Our beloved Maddie

Friends - I'm so sorry - I went on hiatus for 10 months. I guess life got in the way and I let it go. That's stinky of me. SO VERY MUCH has happened in 10 months. Hadley went from toddler bed to full sized big kid bed, turned 3, and is pretty much talking like a grown up (I MAY be known to exaggerate from time to time). Morgan has all of the sensitive 5 year old feelings, is reading, and looks like she may be 8 years old, not 5.

I digress - I'll get to all those fun, important details another time because I'm going to try my best to post 1-2x/week from now on. I can't keep missing all the fun stuff.

Yesterday was the hardest day the Schmidt family has endured in our 8 years (well, technically if you count dating time, it's almost 14 years, but who's counting? #me). Long story short, Maddie, our first fur baby, was feeling sort of yucky at the beginning of the last week in January so we kept an eye on her and decided to take her in on Wednesday. She was misdiagnosed with a respiratory infection and given meds. We took her back Friday as she had not improved and was getting worse. X-rays were negative and we were told to wait for the meds to kick in fully. Saturday saw a slight surge - a few ear perks, a quick step here or there...but lots of bad. Lots of fast breathing, no rest, she couldn't lay down, vomiting...and it just wasn't getting better or changing. Sunday was worse so we decided to go for a second opinion on Monday morning. Adam took her at 8:30 and within a very short time and a blood test, it was determined that she likely had a form of cancer and didn't have a chance to make it. Her liver and kidneys had pretty much already shut down or were thisclose to doing so and we couldn't save her. Devastation. Our first fur baby. The first one besides Adam and I to cross the threshold of our house as a member of the family. She was only 8; not even a chance to be old yet.

We decided to take her home so the girls could say goodbye to her and have closure. Hadley was with Grandpa Al at tumbling so I had him just bring her home. I stopped to get Morgan on my way home from work. Once we got home, we told Morgan who was devastated. We told Hadley when she got home, who thought about it and then asked, "So we only gonna have one dog?" Both reacted exactly how the countless websites I checked while waiting for test results said they would. We said tearful goodbyes, Al kept the girls at home, and Adam and I took her in.

The staff at Riverside Animal Hospital will be getting a sincere thank you from us shortly. They were calm and kind to us during this impossible time. Everything was so peaceful and hard and awful, but they went above and beyond. I don't think I could do their jobs and have to see this often. It's heartbreaking.

It was peaceful to see her not struggling for breath anymore. It was heartbreaking to know she wasn't going to be taking any breaths again. It kills us to think she's not going to be dodging crazy Jessie antics anymore. The pain of only hearing one set of tags jingling up the stairs hurts. Accidentally calling Jessie by Maddie's name is excruciating. Putting only one dog in her kennel at night is brutal. Dogs are truly a part of the family. Truly I say to you.

We are struggling and it hurts to write all this down. It's so permanent. I count to 2 on a daily basis no less than 10x on a weekday (kids or dogs, you pick), 100x on a weekend. It's awful that I only have to count to one for one of those groups now.

Will we get another and have two? I can't answer that right now. For now, we're mourning Maddie and praising God we were able to have her in our lives for the first 8 years of our marriage. She taught us so much and gave us unconditional love. She will be missed more than words on paper can begin to describe and our hearts ache for her.

A friend posted something on my Facebook wall yesterday that was just perfect. It's hard to read right now, but it's so true and how I'll end...

"When dogs go to heaven they don't need wings, because God knows that dogs love running best."

She was the best and is running her little paws off now, no hurt in sight.