Christmas 2009

I think this is the longest I've gone without posting since starting this blog! That will happen when you go home to WI with an infant, 2 dogs, and a husband for 9 days. It was a great 9 days with a few "Morgan bumps" here and there but we made it safely to and from WI. A shout out MUST go to whoever invented luggage racks and giant waterproof duffle bags to store luggage in on top of the vehicle or we never would have made it. Oh, and thank God for breast pumps too, or our trips would have been at least 1-1.5 hours longer than they were.

We left Saturday the 19th and made it to my dad's house in WI at a decent hour. I had not heard/read of snow so when we hit Fon du Lac and ran into some, I was a little worried but for no real reason. After that, it was a whirlwind of visiting family, keeping Morgan calm in chaos (MUCH easier said than done), and enjoying being home. Morgan had a few hours here and there where she was really fussy and at times inconsolable, but usually it was due to loudness levels and lack of a decent nap for days on end. We finally got into a routine of sorts where she could get some sleep and she fared much better.

We have so many things to be thankful for this year. We were blessed with many wonderful presents and had a great time watching everyone open gifts from us (even though they might not have been my most creative as usual as it was a bit trickier Christmas shopping this year...). We are blessed to have our daughter, who is the most beautiful thing we've ever seen even when she's fussy beyond our wildest imaginations (like tonight, for example). We're healthy, we have good jobs that really aren't in jeapordy (or that we should be worried about), our families are doing well...the list could go on forever.

Now that we're home, we're working on unpacking and getting back into the routine of things...before I go back to work. I am 90% sure I start back on January 4th but time slipped by and it might actually be January 11th. I need to get in touch with my HR rep to make sure that when they said I'd be due back January 11th that they left me at least 5 vacations days for a wedding and cushion in case I/Morgan gets sick or when she has doctor visits. It really started to sink in on the ride home yesterday that I have to leave her next Monday (I'm preparing for the 4th so I'm not completely crushed when that's right). I have a feeling I might be a bit on the sad side the further this week gets and I can't believe Monday's over already. At this point next week I will likely have a full day of work in. What's going to happen when the sitter doesn't know what makes her smile? What's going to happen if Morgan won't sleep and the sitter is busy and can't get to her when she cries...? It might kill me just a bit thinking about her being with someone else for almost 9 hours a day...I hate it. And on that note I'm going to bed. I'll wallow in self pity some more later.

BIG update, go get your reading glasses...

It feels like SO much has happened since I last posted Sunday (I think it was Sunday but am too lazy to go back and look right now). I really should be doing such things as showering, wrapping presents, making/finishing packing lists...but I am getting really bogged down with cool things to post about so here goes! I'll try to keep them semi-brief for your sanity but also b/c who knows when the little bear is going to wake up from her nap...

Ode to the Shower Curtain - On Tuesday I was able to take the longest shower ever b/c Morgan was ENTRANCED with the sparse dark pink/purple flowers she watched on the shower curtain while in her bouncy chair. She could have cared less about the animals bouncing in front of her (she loves her friends) or me when I peeked out to see how she was doing. I even heard her "talk" to them a few times. Thank you, oh great shower curtain. :) (Or maybe the fact that light on dark - or vice versa - is her favorite right now).

Morgan...has found her fists!! And in a reliable manner! This first happened Tuesday and has quickly become her favorite thing to do especially to calm herself (ahh...angels singing). It used to be that she'd get a quick "taste" of her hand and then her poor little uncoordinated body would send her hand flying away from her mouth, usually to come back just as quickly and whack herself in the face. (I shouldn't laugh...but it's sort of funny sometimes.) The other night I was excited to go back to bed after a feeding and tell Adam that our little Houdini baby had managed to get her LEFT (he wants her to bat lefthanded) hand had somehow gotten out of her very snug swaddle and she was sucking on it when I went to get her. So excited for her! She's been working on this one for a while. :)

Head control - Morgan has significantly improved her head control. That's not to say there arent' still the few head butts we get in now and then, but she loves to be held over your shoulder while looking around at whatever's behind you. We're working on her looking in the mirror while doing that so she can get to know herself a little bit. :) It's amazing how strong she's gotten in the past week or so in this area. Also, her leg and arm muscles are getting stronger and faster. Sometimes when I lay her down to be changed, I just let her go for a bit b/c she kicks so hard she could probably swim two laps in the pool if I plunked her in the water. Speaking of, I need to find out about baby swimming lessons for this summer...

Morgan had a cold and I would say is on the tail end of it. Adam has a worse cold and it *just* over the hump of it. So now it's my turn. I hope I have it somewhere in between b/c Adam's was brutal and unlike Morgan (who requires suction), I can blow my own nose which isn't a big deal. :) Fingers crossed!!

Morgan continues her quest to "talk" more and catch up to the amount of talking her mommy does. She's definitely got a ways to go there. ;-) She takes little conversational turns sometimes where we'll say something and she'll go "ahh!" or do some cute little noise back and forth up to 4x (that's her PR (personal record), anyway). Once in a great while she'll make the /m/ sound to me while she's eating and I'm talking to her. That just cracks me right up. Silly baby.

Sleeping - So for 3 glorious nights, Morgan got up ONCE each night. I am convinced it had everything to do with her cold as the past 2 nights she's been up her normal midnight hour, 4am hour, and then again sometime around 6am. Thankfully this morning I was able to replace her nuk, rock her carseat (which she's sleeping in for her congestion), and she went back to sleep for about 45 minutes. For some reason that 30 minutes of sleep I then got was enough to put me on the good side. :) Sidenote - I know it's bad and we won't keep it up, but a huge part of me wants to keep Morgan sleeping in her carseat b/c she falls back to sleep after nursing SO much faster. As in 2-4 minutes and I'm back in bed. Sigh. Once Adam's cold is over and she's sleeping flat in her crib (instead of in her carseat in her crib), he can help out with that again. :)

This weekend after Adam's class on Saturday, we are heading back to WI from the 19th until the 26/27th. We haven't pinned down a final date of departure yet. I'm really getting excited for it and everytime the stupid Kay Jewelers commercial comes on where the mom is rocking the baby to sleep and it's 2am (you know the one) and the dad says "It's her first Christmas" or we're all a family for Christmas, I (almost) cry. I look at her and am just so happy we have her. I can't believe how different Christmas will be this year in such a rewarding way. She's truly our shining little star and our lives now revolve around her the way good parents do it. This morning she was SO cute as she was between sides while nursing when Adam was heading out to work...but stopped long enough to give him a few coos and goos, a couple of BIG smiles, and just so much baby love. She's generally pretty happy lately, however, she almost never shows this when we go to others' houses to socialize. I hope that changes over this coming Christmas week, but we shall see.

I know there's so much more but I have to go do a million other things so that next time she naps, I get to as well. ;-) I rarely do this but see the need when I've got a cold coming on like this or if I miss out on too much sleep b/c then I'm no good for her in the coming hours/days. I will post pictures soon too...hopefully. Otherwise there might be a lapse until we get back from Christmas. :) If I don't get back to this by then (which I doubt, we have down time built into the week for Morgan and with so many eager people to hold her, I'm guessing I'll have some free hands here and there), have a MERRY CHRISTMAS and be safe. Much love to all!!

A more interesting nursing session...among other things

FYI: If you don't like reading about breastfeeding (Ross), don't read the first two paragraphs. :)

So tonight I get up and look at the clock and almost fall out of bed as it's 2:38am and Morgan hasn't been up once yet. I laid back down and then started getting scared that she wasn't breathing b/c I think she's just starting to get a cold (poor thing). So I tiptoed upstairs to check and sure enough, she's fine. I refilled her humidifier b/c if she has a cold she needs it quite badly, and crept out and back to bed. Then I lie there awake wondering if I should go pump or see how long she goes until I just need to nurse her. Question answered 15 minutes later when she was up. At least she had a big grin on her congested little face which is always great to see, but especially at 3am. :)

So it had been 6.5 hours since I had last nursed Morgan so we made sure the latch was quick to minimize a mess. It worked well and she started eating. Then she took a little break about 10 minutes later and I felt my arm getting wet...and got nervous that she was spitting up. So I quickly sit her up to catch the mess and make it easier for her to get it out...only to see the poor little girl wagging her head back and forth...to avoid the milk SPRAY. I was actually spraying milk. I didn't think I'd have enough to do that ever, much less after she'd been eating for a while! So we made a few quick changes and she was cleaned up and eating again. I felt so bad but I couldn't help but laugh at the poor thing...(wrote this at 4am Sunday morning while pumping since she only ate on one side - shocker, the kid always takes both.)

(9am Sunday morning) Now I digress. Morgan and I went shopping yesterday and since last weekend was such a disaster with her screaming our way through the mall and being so upset by the time we got to the car that she couldn't latch on...so I brought a bottle of milk along this time thinking it would be a million times better...and I was right. :) I love it when that happens most times. We went to two places and then at Target she started to fuss so we hung out in the little "dining area" for her to eat...and I figured I had too much in her bottle of 4oz, but the hungry little bear drank the WHOLE thing! The reason I'm surprised by her taking 4oz is b/c this week when I've pumped I've gotten a total of 1.5oz out of BOTH sides combined which makes me worried about how much milk she's getting. Clearly she's getting enough b/c she's growing like a weed and has the appropriate number of wet diapers. I'm hoping it was b/c I didn't drink enough this week as to my lower supply and not that my body doesn't respond well to pumping. That could pose a problem when I go back to work...but we'll cross that bridge when the time comes. Last night I only pumped 2oz out of my left side after almost 7 hours of not feeding/pumping. I was kind of sad as I thought it should have been a lot more (and felt like a lot more, too). Sigh.

So it's official. Poor little Morgan has a cold. She was only up the one time last night which is highly uncharacteristic of her. She's rather congested nasally which results in lots of boogers (which she doesn't like sucked out until it's done, then she's happy she can sort of breathe again), sneezing, and coughing. Thankfully her coughing is dry or I'd be super worried about her lungs. I had the H1N1 shot about 5 days before she was born but I don't know if she got enough of what she needed as I thought it took 10 days to really kick in. I received some great advice from some friends so we'll go with that (sleeping at an incline, vaporizer - which is on every night anyway, suction, etc.). She's sleeping more too so hopefully that will help her little body heal. I hope she's feeling better before we travel on Saturday to WI.

Ok, off to get some things done while she's sleeping. I'm DEFINITELY taking a nap with her at some point today. Adam doesn't feel well at all either as his throat is really sore and I think he's a bit congested too, although he's still out in the cold hunting. I'm a little nasally congested but nothing like Morgan. Lots of kleenex and suction at the Schmidt household this week along with crazy packing and some magic from Adam to make it all fit in the Highlander. He's quite good at this so I'm only moderately worried instead of all out freaking out. :) Feel free to say a little prayer that our peanut feels better...I know I am.

Shout out to single parents

How do you single parents do it? I could see if you had some help from family or something, but when you're on your own, how do you do it? Especially with an infant (is she still considered a newborn?)...?

Last night was probably in the top 3 for awful nights for Morgan. Likely it wouldn't have been as bad if A) Adam had been here (he's traveling home from Montreal today) and B) my fatigue wouldn't have clouded my patience. Every time I had her asleep, I'd go to put her down and she'd wake up for all sorts of reasons, not just the ones I asked others about on FB yesterday (who gave me great advice!). It wouldn't have been so bad...but she got up at her normal time of around midnight but instead of going back to sleep, she stayed up long enough for another feeding. Then she was up again at her normal time (5ish) for another feeding despite the extra feeding she had earlier (WTH?). Thankfully she went right down after that feeding. But then I heard her again at 6:40am and since I was all tired and out of it I didn't look at the timer to realize, until AFTER I started feeding her again that I should have tried the nuk first since she had just went to sleep 38 minutes prior. So instead of her usual 2x getting up last night, she was up (in the same amount of time) for 4 feedings. F.O.U.R.

I'm mad. I'm mad and it's stupid but I'm still mad. I'm mad (it's actually jealous) that Adam gets to sleep as long as he wanted to (well, within work limits) all week. I'm mad that he gets to go hunting all weekend and I'm still in charge of the baby. All of these things are compounded by my fatigue, but still, it's how I'm feeling at the moment. I wouldn't want to trade Adam this week b/c I don't know how on earth I'd be away from her for 5 days. It would be impossible and I'd be a mess. But wow, this fatigue is killer. I also realize it didn't help this week that we went almost nowhere b/c of the snowstorm and we saw other adults (outside of a Walmart trip Mon/Tues) for a total of 2 hours this week. I don't even know if we're going to make it to my work luncheon today so she can meet everyone. Right now it's almost 9am and she's sleeping...which makes me think I should put the dogs away and nap right along with her. But if we're going to go, I need to shower now instead. Sigh. What to do.

Off I go to decide. This post is dedicated to all you single parents out there as you are heroes.

Morgan's first snow (and some other firsts if I haven't mentioned them already)

We have some firsts to report! And then I added some pictures at the end for fun since we've had daily photo shoots to send Adam pictures as he's in Toronto & Montreal this week. Along with some of the firsts I'm adding in some other highlights our little Morgan enjoys. I think I've done one post before while nursing Morgan, and we're doing it again! Ultimate multitasking. :) Although now that I'm rereading this, this post has taken me all day as I work on it, run off to tend Morgan...rinse, repeat. Throw tired in there too. :)

• Hand/eye coordination - This week the baby update said that Morgan should start batting at items that are close enough for her to reach. I would say she *might* be doing this. I took video of it for Adam at the beginning of the week but it's relatively hard to tell if she's doing this on purpose or just flailing her arms around and accidentally hitting the dangling toys. I honestly think she's got some purposeful movement...emphasis on SOME as she still hits herself in the face when just hanging out. :-/ Either way, I think she's on her way...just nothing consistent yet. :) If I could ever figure out how to download and then post video, I'd show you. This is a frustrating first that I'm still waiting on for me.
  
• Morgan made it through her first big snowstorm with no problem. It was too cold and obviously Morgan is just a wee bit tiny to go out in that sort of weather, so we took pictures from the inside out (see below) and that worked well. Can't wait until next year when we can go out and play in it...woah, it's crazy to think she might/should be able to walk in that first snow of the season (provided it isn't crazy and in October or something).
• Something new - At the end of last week and this whole week, Morgan has had issues going back to sleep after her overnight feedings. She is out COLD when done nursing and then I put her in the crib...and she wiggles herself awake. This is new; she wasn't doing this before and she usually only does it for one of her two feedings each night. I've got some awesome ideas to try from some friends on FB so hopefully tonight will go a bit better. It was fine in the beginning of the week, but now that I've had to be up with her every time every night with Adam in Canada, I'm getting pretty tired now. Which makes me think I should be napping while she's sleeping at the moment...
• Two nights ago, on her second feeding at 4am, I put Morgan down after nursing and she went right to sleep. I heard her grunting and things here and there but that's normal so I wasn't worried since she didn't wake up. I go up to get her in the morning around 8am and I had to do a double take b/c I swear someone had broken into my house and was playing a trick on me. Note - she was still swaddled as she had been all night. I had to stop and stare at her...because she had somehow made a COMPLETE 180 degree turn in her crib. Her head and feet had switched spots so perfectly that I was dumbfounded. Babies can do that??? Apparently my little monkey can! A friend told me her little one did that too, so I wasn't too worried that I had an alien child on my hands. Then I really freaked out b/c what if she had gotten stuck against her crib bumper and couldn't breathe?! I'm guessing, judging by her movements, that she would have gotten up and walked to the other side of her crib - still swaddled. :)
  
• Morgan loves the grandfather clock in our upstairs living room. And by love, I mean looooooooooooooove the clock. When she's done playing with us and needs a break, or when she's nursing, or just random times, we find Morgan staring at the clock. Or the curtains. Or anything that seems to be red or a dark color on a light background. We pick on her and speak for her saying "I love you cloooooooooock." She's not phased but we laugh. Silly baby.
  
• Mommy update - I swear my body saw me write about my almost being done with the nipple shield and I instantly became super sore and had to start using it again regularly. I started weaning off again yesterday and it's going well. Still using it here and there. Fingers crossed but I'm not worried. :)

Alright I think that's enough for now. Sorry it's so incredibly long! The thing is, now that I'm ready to go lie down for a bit, the baby will wake up. That's ok though b/c it makes me nervous for her to be sleeping right now...but do I wake her? We'll make a game day decision...oh wait that's today. I'll let you know how it goes. :-/

Sitting in this recliner is NOT as easy as it looks! Ahh, timber!!!

Hmm...suck on hand during tummy time or lift head and build neck muscles...?
I pick hand. Tasty.

Morgan's first big snow! (Note Maddie in the background enjoying it)

Doesn't she look a like a little walrus here? This was after her bath Tuesday night and some serious screaming...(screaming came after the bath, bath was good!)

There's a baby in there somewhere...

Seriously, Mom, enough with the pictures!!!!

The Goodbye Post

Warning: This post may be a bit of a downer, but I feel like I have to say goodbye to some things. Saturday night and much of Sunday morning was hard for me as it finally hit me as to all of the things I have said or need to say goodbye to. Some of them are temporary, some of them are forever, but all of them were/are hard at the time. These things were to be expected but are still hard when they finally get here. The positive which reins above all of these things are that I have a daughter who is the sweetest thing I could ever hope for in my life, that I'm healthy, and we have a really great life. So here goes...

• Goodbye independent person and hello to being super depended ON. And not just emotionally...for EVERYTHING.
• Goodbye (here's a temporary one) to being gone from my house alone or alone in general for more than one hour due to Morgan needing to usually be fed every other hour. This one is hopefully more temporary than it currently seems...But if one is going to be an exclusive breastfeeder (EBF) then this is how it will need to go. I could have Adam just thaw some frozen milk, but I'm uber protective of it and won't do it yet for fear that Morgan will need it in January when she goes to the sitter's.
• Goodbye beautiful cute bikinis. And not even just b/c I still feel "fat" now (I think I'm about +15lbs but haven't weighed myself in a while)...it's b/c of my stretch marks. I haven't mentioned them until now but they're there. I managed to stave them off until week 37, when I woke up one Saturday morning (September 26th, to be exact) on Jason & Julie's wedding, to find stretch marks starting and continuing across my lower stomach. They are more numerous on the left side for some odd reason. There are some dark ones in the middle. But either way, sad sad me will be saying goodbye to all of those cute little bikinis this next summer and be looking for some cute one pieces until I get my "mommy makeover" someday when we're done having babies.
  
• Goodbye (this BETTER be temporary) sleeping for more than 4 hours. I wonder what I would feel like if I actually got more than 4-5 hours. I might be able to lift a small car or something. :)
  
• Goodbye to being lonely for my own child. Goodbye to wondering what it's like to have a child growing inside me. Goodbye to yearning to be a mother. This is the best part of my goodbyes. That's why all the other goodbyes are so worth this goodbye. While I'm still overwhelmed at times with our little bear, I look forward to the day when we give her a brother or sister. Or two. Who knows.
  

So goodbye selfish things that I grew so accustomed to my whole life until now. May all these goodbyes help me to be a good mother and raise Morgan to be the beautiful woman I envision her being. But speaking of the bear, it's time for her to get jammies on, last feeding done, and off to bed. :)

Hurdle finally cleared!

I have to write this real fast and I'm so proud of myself...I'm 95% weaned from using the nipple shield when nursing Morgan!! I'm all healed and only use it once in a while if it hurts a ton or if she eats really close together. I'm so excited that if I need to nurse her somewhere, I don't have to have that damn shield along anymore. Ahh! (angels singing)

Also, today I decided that I should try this ADORABLE pink corduroy outfit with a tiny bear on it on her to see if it fit. It was a 3 month outfit. I spent waaayyyy too much on it but it was so cute that there was NO way I was going to pass it up. So I get it on her (while she's screaming b/c that's how we roll if you've got to put something over her head 3x) and come to find that the snaps around the bottom of her legs/diaper JUST make it! :-( Don't get me wrong, she looks SUPER cute but it's not even a little big on her. It fits her just right now. Which means she's going to outgrow it in about a week. :-( So sad. But so cute. Very bittersweet.

One more thing - I'm so sad but I have not put up a single Christmas decoration yet and it's killing me just a little bit inside. All the decorations are up above the garage and I need Adam to get them down. If I can't even hardly find time to cut his hair, how am I supposed to find time to put up any of my trees or other decorations? I feel a little like I'm jipping Morgan of her first Christmas here at home even though clearly she's WAY too little to even comprehend the idea of the season. Ok, maybe I'm feeling more sad for me. I'm hoping this weekend sometime that Adam can at least get our small tree and some ornaments down so I can take her picture in front of OUR tree. There are 8 million other trees out there that we'll come across, but I don't know. I'm weird like that and want her to have at least one picture in front of ours.

Ok, now that it's almost 1pm, I'm still in my pj's, and have yet to even think about lunch, I'm going to finally get off this thing (even though it's keeping my lap warm) and eat something! PS. We also have reason to celebrate as Adam got his first new account in his sales position at work! This is a rather huge deal (as far as I know and definitely in my book) so kudos to him! I'm so proud of him for sticking with it b/c being in sales is NOT easy. I know I couldn't do it. Go Adam!

Pics Update

Enjoy! Here are some updated pictures of the little one. She's really starting to smile more now and I'm trying to catch a big one...and I finally did tonight while we were doing our Christmas picture family photo shoot. :) This kid is so darn cute...I know, we're biased. Rightfully so. Enjoy! Oh yeah, and some baptism pictures too!

Happy baby!

Morgan & Daddy enjoying their "chair time" they do every night.

The shirt says it all..."Little Stinker." Thanks, Aunt Steph!

Morgan being baptized...note the arms flailing. Don't you hear her screaming? :)

This was after baptism when she was an angel. Where was this child when the whole church was watching?!? :)

The gang from Wisconsin that was able to make it down.

Cousins!! Talia, Morgan, & Tatum

Morgan's Baptism and 6 weeks old!

What a great weekend. What a busy weekend! First off, it was obviously Thanksgiving weekend which I posted about that day. Whew, one day down. Friday, Adam and I slept in...sort of...the baby went back down to sleep around 6:30 and let us sleep until about 8:30 when we got up before she did to get ready to go shopping. What a different black Friday shopping experience for me! Usually I'm up early, ready to go, excited about all the deals, Christmas list in hand with everyone planned for before heading out the door. That was NOT the case this year - I left without a list (gasp!!) and had it in my head what I needed/wanted and hoped for the best. My little Morgan showed Daddy that she's quite the pleasant shopper except for when she was with him in Gander Mountain while I went to Kohl's next door...I would cry if I had to go there instead too! :) It was a REALLY nice day with the three of us and I got some good shopping done. However, I have a freak-ton of it left and am getting nervous about A) how I'm going to get it all done and B) how on earth are we going to get this stuff to WI along with a baby, 2 dogs, us, and luggage without some sort of U-haul...panic later, shop now. :)

Saturday we finished up cleaning just in time for family to arrive in town mid-afternoon. Morgan was pretty good the entire time we had guests that day which was nice as we're usually waiting for a ticking time bomb of wailing when she's hungry/tired/etc. :) I tried to burn the house down and cook 2 pizzas from Papa Murphy's in our oven - I will NEVER learn. This happens every time. For some reason, our oven does NOT allow for 2 pizzas to be cooked without the lower pizza being burned - literally black, charred paper/pizza burned - every time. So after opening all the windows and clearing out the thick haze (thank God our basement is finished and that's where everyone was hanging out), we enjoyed some pizza. Everyone left, we went to bed, and prayed that the baptism would go well the next day. It was great to see Morgan meet her cousins for the first time and for us to see how much they had grown in the year (was it really a year?!?!) since we'd seen them last and they'd moved back to WI from Alaska.

Morgan was on a great schedule Sunday morning and we dressed her in her baptism gown just before leaving...and I think she hated it. It was not the softest material ever but she was a beautiful little princess in the white satin and lace that was her gown. She did well until we got there and had planned to feed her just after church started. So Adam gave her her bottle and she was pretty good...for a while. I had to take her out of church during the sermon b/c of her fussiness and I knew we were in for it. Next thing I know the sermon is over, the music is playing, and the baptism is next on the list. I knew she wasn't going to settle down and she'd do this thing where she'd take her nuk for about 5-10 seconds and then scream. I have no idea to this day what the kid needed. She'd eaten. I don't think she needed to be burped. She *might* have needed a diaper change but she'd had one just before we left and the Bum Genius diapers keep her pretty dry for quite some time. So anyway, I shook her (calming for her), shushed her, and watched as she screamed her way through her own baptism. I don't know why it shook me up so much, but it did and I even almost cried a few times as we went. I don't remember much of what was said although I know I said all the right things at the right time, per aunt/Godmother Steph. (Thanks man.) We were going to watch it over as we video taped it, but I couldn't do it Sunday b/c if I heard her screaming that much again (this went on more after everyone left and she'd been passed many times during her deep sleep afternoon nap) I thought I might go deaf.

Today was a much better day attitude wise and her little personality is really starting to come out. She's 6 weeks old today. I'm loving her more and more each day, as is expected, but as she gets more and more tolerant of things and is gaining more and more little skills, she's getting so fun. Today after each feeding she had a long period of happy, smiley, cooing & gooing time with me and then Adam when he got home from work. She was in such a good mood that we went to Menards and Farm & Fleet and had a really fun time with her. We were looking at storm doors as all three of ours need replacing - they suck and should be melted down for anchors or something. While Adam was looking at hunting things, Morgan and I had a good "conversation" about how we tolerate daddy's hunting interests so we can go shopping with the money we save on groceries when he gets a deer. :) That said, here are some of the things Morgan is really starting to get good at:

• Smiling! Morgan smiles often now, especially after feedings today. We can make her smile pretty consistently when she's not hungry or needing a diaper change and it's great. Seeing her big toothless grin always makes us smile back at her.
  
• Cooing & gooing - This is usually paired with smiling but comes and goes at other times too. She is starting to take "conversational turns" up to 4x when she's really going at it. She's best when lying on the floor with us looking straight down over her or in the recliner sitting up looking at Adam (he tried this for the first time tonight). It seems like she "talks" more when I open my mouth like I'm going to say something and then she "fills in" for me when I take too long to talk. I've even heard a /g/ sound...ok, it was more of a glottal "my tongue got in the way of my air accidentally" sound, but it's fun for this speech pathologist mommy to think she made her first consonant sound /g/. This and smiling are definitely my favorite things right now. :)
• Contentment - Morgan has developed a much better sense of sight now and is more entertained by the world around her. This is great on so many levels, but especially since it allows me to set her down for a few minutes instead of seconds so I can go switch the laundry, give the dogs some water, brush my teeth, etc. without her screaming the whole time.
  
• Head control - Her neck muscles are getting so much stronger now. She is able to hold her head up for 10+ seconds at a time if she's not tired. She's still a bit floppy but it's impressive to see how well she does with this now.

Well, it seems like she's having a hard time going down for bed so I'm going to go see if there's anything I can do...although I'm sure Adam has tried it all...he's really good with her. G'night and I'll try to post pictures tomorrow...

Happy Thanksgiving!!

We've officially come to our first Thanksgiving with a child. Her first real holiday! (Sorry, I don't count Halloween...not a "real" holiday like today, Christmas, Easter, etc.) We have SOO much to be thankful for this year, with the obvious being Morgan. Here is our list of "We are thankful fors" this year:

1. We are thankful for our sweet baby girl and our journey to get her here safely. We are also thankful that I was healthy and birth and delivery was a huge success.
   
2. We are thankful for Morgan's smooth transition to sleeping in her crib last night and the fact that she's been pretty predictable at night.
   
3. We are thankful for Morgan only getting up once the past two nights. Ok, I'M thankful for that since I'm the one feeding her. Adam's equipment doesn't work. ;-)
4. We are thankful for our jobs in this time of economic strain.
   
5. We are thankful for our family and friends and their health and happiness.

There is so much more but that's what comes to mind at the moment. The baby just went to sleep and I'm debating writing on here more or stealing away to brush my teeth. :) Adam's home today so we're pretty excited about that so maybe I can write a little and then steal away...

Her shirt says "Daddy's little caddy" which she wore with pink pants. Thanks Aunt Tab & Uncle Trav!

So the crib transition...yesterday (Wed.) I decided we were going to stay home and not run any errands during Morgan's afternoon nap in an effort to work on her crib transition since A) it's time for her to be a big girl in her own room and B) It was getting to be a tight squeeze in her bassinet as she easily wiggled her way to the "bottom" during the night and then started wiggling like crazy in her sleep b/c her feet were touching the side of the bassinet. Poor little thing couldn't help having the wiggles b/c it's reflex for babies her age to push their feet against whatever they come into contact with. So anyway, I put her in her crib when I thought she was ready for a nap and all went well...for about 8 minutes. Then she was up crying and really, it was time for her to nurse so being the genius that I am, I nursed her in her room so she could start to get used to it. I made the transition of all her "sleepy" things into her room (ie. radio on static for white noise, humidifier on, etc) and after nursing, I put her in her crib with her head toward a corner so it felt smaller than it was (more bassinet-like). I tiptoed out of her room with lots of prayers for it to work...and it did! For 34 minutes!! So I went upstairs, put her nuk back in her mouth, and she was out again! She slept for about 50 minutes and woke up again. By then she could nurse again (she goes every other hour most times during waking hours) and I did so and put her back down since she was still very sleepy. Then Adam got home early from work and I ran some errands. She continued to sleep and did VERY well. I had full confidence that she'd be a champ in her crib last night. Adam set up her space heater (brilliant recommendation from friends so we could keep her room warm enough and we could turn down the thermostat) and we were ready. We went to visit friends last night but she was rather fussy (gas?) so we didn't last long there. We got home and got her ready for bed (jammies, diaper change, swaddle, nurse) and she went down...almost. Suddenly she had eyes WIDE open and we called for Daddy to take a turn since it's rather isolated up in the nursery. He got her to sleep in no time and we headed to bed...praying. Sure enough, she started making noises around 12:30 so I went upstairs to nurse...except the little monkey was doing her fake fussy baby trick where she fusses and by the time you get to her, she's out COLD and acting like she totally faked you out. So I went back downstairs to bed to wait. About 45 minutes later she was up for real so I went up and nursed her. Turns out that reading this new book that Susie left ("A Friend like Henry" - HIGHLY recommended!! About an autistic boy who gets a dog and opens his world big time) makes nursing go a million times faster so that was great. Morgan nursed a long time (almost an hour including a diaper change) and then decided to wake up. Fully. So again we employed Daddy (since he's not working today) to finish the job and put her to sleep so I could get some since I'd been up for over an hour already. Again, he was a champ and I got to sleep a little extra. Next thing I know it's 6:45am and she's just starting to make noises again. I'd consider that up once last night (bed at 9:15, up at 1:30/2am, and up at 6:45-7am? Yup!). I'd say the crib transition is a success at this point...hopefully it will keep going. I'm pretty confident. :)

Ok, I have to go brush my teeth now. Happy Thanksgiving!! SO THANKFUL!!

PS. As promised, pictures of Morgan in her Bum Genius diapers. She has all the colors but these are the ones I took while I was remembering to actually take a picture...or when she wasn't crying. :) Can you guess which parent put on which diaper? :) Just kidding...

A pretty light blue one...

And a little yellow one.

It's a go!

The BGDs (Bum Genious diapers) are a hit! :) I plan to wash the first load of them later today after the dogs' laundry is done (and hopefully hasn't clogged the wash machine with puppy hair). They fit her well and she looks super cute in them. :) Still haven't gotten a picture, sorry, but I will work on that today. When I thought of it last, she was wearing a white one which looks like a regular diaper. I'll have to get one of the cuter colors for the blog. The great thing is that they keep the moisture away from her skin so well that sometimes it's actually difficult to tell if she's wet or not unless you take it off and feel if it's heavy or not. So I'd say they're a hit! We're going to go with it...which is good b/c they are a rather expensive initial investment but totally worth it. I wish we would have started using them sooner...but her little hiney wasn't quite big enough yet (IMO).

Since this weekend, we've been having Morgan take either her second last or last feeding before bedtime from a bottle and Adam. To get there, I pump whatever I have and then he gives it to her. I was worried b/c every time I pump for a full feeding, there's only about 2 oz (max) that comes out and he's able to give her. I felt like this wasn't nearly enough and that she surely was getting much more from me from regular nursing. So what we've been doing is having me pump as much as I can (which hasn't been for long enough periods, I'm finding, and fixing) and then let her nurse a little afterwards to make sure it's not just my body's reaction to pumping vs. Morgan. It's amazing that it's such a difference. I definitely feel like a cow when I'm pumping but it's for a greater good. Mooing makes me feel better. :) JK.

I FINALLY found a dress that doesn't make me look terrible with the poochy belly for Morgan's baptism. Guess where I found it? In my own closet! Adam was pretty thrilled (he's kinda tight with $$ sometimes :-P ) but then I told him that I need a new pair of black boots so I think Morgan and I might head to the Muscatine "Mall" later today to check out the selection at Younkers (which is usually pretty good on short notice). Then we're going to walk the mall since it's icky weather outside and I don't feel like trying out the Y with a stroller. Adios! Baby's hungry...again. :)

Bum Genious Diapers

So today is our first day with Bum Genious cloth diapers (the camera ran out of battery so I'll put a picture of her in one up soon). They are adorable beyond all get out and since she's nursing, her poo doesn't need to be rinsed out or anything. All we do is separate the inserts from the diapers, toss in the wash twice, and we're off to the races. I can't wait until it's summer time and she can just run around in a cute little dress and her little BGDs...so cute in my head! She's got her first one on that Adam put on her while I was gone running errands. He chose a dark green one after I asked him to grab a pink one. Go figure. ;-/

This was a weekend of firsts! Adam got to give Morgan her very first bottle and it went VERY well! She took it immediately and drained the 1oz bottle he gave her in 2.2! She went right to me then and had no trouble with the transition. No confusion. I was really pleased and Adam was really proud to be able to feed her finally. He also gave her a bath Friday night when he got home and if Mommy hadn't made the water a touch cooler than it should have been, it would have been a super successful bathtime. Instead it was a little more stressful (for mom, mostly) than it would normally have been.

Today was a great day at church. Morgan woke up around 8:30am after her 6th night of 2 (predictable) feedings. She nursed, Adam got home from hunting and took her, I took a marathon shower and was ready to go in 30 minutes (woah!!), fed her again before leaving, and prayed she'd be a little more content than she was last time (which involved her being OUT of church more than she was IN church due to some serious screaming). Needless to say, she slept her way through church with her nuk and some gentle rocking of her car seat. We were a little nervous to leave her during communion, but the church was small and I highly doubt that someone in a tiny church where everyone knows everyone is going to take her or do anything to harm her. I told Adam that if someone took her, they'd likely return her shortly b/c all she does is scream if you don't know what to do with her. :) Doesn't that make you want to just hold her all day long? :) JK, she's not that bad. But she does enjoy her bouncing of any kind.

Yesterday was fun b/c Morgan got to meet her friend, Campbell, for the first time. In case you don't know from PPs, Campbell is my good friend (from work) Abbie's daughter. Campbell is 8 months older than Morgan and quite the mobile little girl. (Crazy to think that's where Morgan will be next summer...) Campbell tried to "borrow" Morgan's blanket, they went for a walk together with the mommies, and then took the picture below before a sleepy Morgan and I headed home. A fun visit!

One more thing...Morgan's eyesight has really improved!! That said, she now eagerly makes eye contact with us from 4-5 feet away and has discovered the dogs. Adam was changing her tonight and of course one of the dogs moves in to investigate and "help" and Morgan was beyond fascinated. She stared at the dog for quite some time! It's great to have her reaching this milestone a bit more b/c it has meant that the screaming is less. :)

Last-minute confession: sometimes I use the nuk at night as a sort of "snooze button" to get a few more minutes of sleep before nursing...great mommy, huh? :) That will change when we switch to the crib this week (hopefully)...........

SO much to catch up on...

It's been SO long!! And SO much has happened!! I'll just dive right in then...

So Saturday afternoon, I started to notice that the left side of my left breast was getting more and more sore and hard so I assumed I had a clogged milk duct. Worried that it would eventually turn into an infection (mastitis), I did some warm compresses & massage to try to unclog it. Unfortunately, within about 2 hours I was getting chills and knew something was wrong. I called the on-call doc who also said I had mastitis and needed antibiotics...but all the pharmacies were closed. :-/ I was really upset b/c my fever was getting worse by the minute so he recommended Tylenol until I could get my meds in the morning. So I shivered and sweat my way through the night and made sure Morgan completely emptied the affected breast every time as this is super important for mastitis. I got my meds Sunday but was so sick the whole day except for nursing. It was awful. I haven't had a fever in a while so it seemed even worse. Then Adam was scheduled to leave for the west coast for work Monday and I was petrified of doing this alone in the first place, much less do it super sick!! So I emergency called Grandma Susie who was able to come first thing Monday and was an amazing help!! Also, my coworker, Deb, came to get me through Monday morning and I was grateful. (Morgan is Deb's BBF - best baby friend.) By Tuesday I was feeling pretty good and Wednesday I felt great. Just finishing up my meds and feeling great. Woop woop!

We have had a week of some new firsts, but not too many since Daddy was gone for work this week. :) Late last week/early weekend, I was almost positive that I had made Morgan smile on purpose and not just a gas smile. Sure enough, I can make her smile!! In fact, sometimes it happens over and over before we make other silly faces. She can't WAIT to show Daddy, although he's been warned that he's got to work for it; she doesn't just give those away for free...most of the time. :)

First smile Mommy caught on camera...awwww...

Another new thing this week is Morgan's ability to do some simple visual tracking. She will and does do best with faces and if we're real close. She can go side to side and sometimes takes breaks in the middle, but it's neat to see her taking interest in something and follow it with her growing and stronger beautiful blue eyes. I have a feeling she's about to continue to take off with new things and it's so exciting!

Last new thing - she's starting to make tiny little bubbles when she's hanging out in the bouncy seat. The amazing bouncy seat that we are borrowing from the Benners'. This thing has saved my life more than once already this week and Morgan loves it. She loves it so much I'd buy her 10 if it meant she'd be this happy. Thank you Benners!!!

Hello!! She is really making big improvements with her eyes and coordination of them.

This weekend will be a first for Morgan and Adam since he will be giving her her first bottle. He is SO looking forward to it as would I if I were him. Eating in general is such an intimate thing, no matter what your age, but to be able to give nutrition to your child is so much more than that. Now that she looks us in the eye SO much more, it's even more intimate. I'm really looking forward to that moment although I will not be in the room. I've heard that if nursing mom is in the room, baby can tell and might not take the bottle. I'm so excited for them. I just hope she takes it well and it goes alright.

Lastly, (since the child is crying and will need to eat/get dressed for bed soon) I'm slightly worried that I won't be able to make enough milk for Morgan as we go along. She's getting plenty now, but I worry that as she needs more I might need help! I am going to pick up some Fenugreek tomorrow just in case. I hear of other mothers who have such surpluses of milk or who's babies only eat from one side per feeding, whereas Morgan drains both sides EVERY time (save for a rare nighttime feeding when she is too tired and I have to pump it out - hasn't happened in a long time). So we'll see. Like I said, she's good for now as she has the right amount of dirty/wet diapers which is the way to indicate whether or not she's getting enough. We'll keep going and do what we have to do.

Can you believe it's been a month already? :)

I'm 1 month old today and cute as ever!! (11.19.09)

Short & Sweet...baby, not post (pics included!!)

Isn't this the cutest picture ever?? I just love this one...short & sweet...hee hee hee!

It's been a pretty crazy week as I have not posted since Monday! Woah! I probably could have posted one of the hundred times I've nursed the growing child this week but for longer things, I don't particularly care to type one-handed and propping her up while nursing gets interesting sometimes...

We had a great week this week (save for one day...I'll get to that later). Tuesday night, my coworker, Deb, offered (and definitely didn't force us) to watch Morgan while we got out of the house, just the two of us, to do whatever we wanted (between feedings, of course). So we went out for dinner at Applebee's, filled water jugs at Walmart (glamorous, I know), and then got ice cream to take home from Culver's. Morgan did ok...she goes from happy to fussy in 2.2 seconds when she's with Deb so I think Morgan's going to have to spend more time with others so she doesn't become too used to it just being Adam and I holding her. :) It was nice! And I didn't even get too nervous!! (The glass of wine was really nice too...and may have helped.)

Wednesday was another great day! Since it was Veteran's Day, my friend Julie had off of work (she works for the gov't) so we decided to head to the Quad Cities for some shopping and lunch. Morgan did GREAT and I took the opportunity at lunch to do my first public nursing - COVERED, of course. It went really well and it's something I would have no problem doing again...and actually did yesterday at lunch with work friends. Overall it was a great day and I also found Morgan's Christmas outfit (which cost a small arm/leg) but she's going to be adorable. There's little tiny black patent leather shoes involved...white tights...it's going to be great. :)

Thursday was another story. This was probably one of the worst days we've had with Morgan at home. The day started off on a bad foot b/c she was up by 7am and while usually she'll nurse and can go back to bed, she had no interest in this but was super fussy b/c she was still tired (as was mom!). So this went on all day long...nurse, cry, diaper, cry, almost sleep, scream, nurse, repeat. By the time the afternoon came around, we were both tired and rather ragged around the edges. The afternoon was NO better and I was a small wreck by the time Adam got home (with roses!) after hunting. We made it though, and hopefully these days will be few and far between. Sigh. It was tough.

Friday was a much better day. Morgan nursed in the 6am hour and then went back to sleep. I woke up just before 9am and since she was still sleeping, I snuck in a shower! And then almost everything else I needed to do to be ready for the day. We then left to meet two of my work friends for lunch since they had not met Morgan yet. We nursed while eating and it went well again! The cover I found at Babies 'R Us is perfect. MUCH better than a blanket that falls off all the time. Then we went to Julie's house for a change of scenery while Morgan napped before heading home for supper. Another good day.

One more thing to update you on - nursing - it's going SO well now. I still use the shield on my left side but it's almost completely healed now and I am confident that we won't need it soon. Enjoy the pictures below!

Daddy teaching Morgan how to bat left-handed...

Morgan & adorable headband...a definite NO GO that day.

Mommy & Morgan taking a Sunday siesta last weekend

I think it's cute how Morgan still likes to sleep in a baby ball sometimes...and it's amazing that she used to fit in the belly...

Tiny nose...

Tiny fingers...

Tiny ears...

She's HUGE!!

We went to the doctor's today for a follow-up weight check since Morgan was under where she should have been at her 2-week point. Last week she weighed in at 8,14lbs and was supposed to have hit her birth weight of 9,0.4lbs that day. So we worked our tails off (ok, this was all premeditated by Morgan. I had no control over when the child is hungry) and low and behold even the nurse was surprised by how much she grew! As of today (3 weeks old), Morgan is 9lbs, 10oz! And she grew another inch since birth and is now 21.5" long. Sheesh! This kid's a-growin'. We were happy about this but not too surprised...she looks much bigger since last week. And I know I haven't been good about pictures...turns out she wants to be held OFTEN and rarely put down which makes things difficult for mommy to do around the house.

Today we are starting crib "training." This week's goal is to have Morgan nap in her crib...and today's attempt didn't go too well. We have someone coming to the house at 2pm to discuss development or something (we agreed to this at the hospital) so I would rather her be in the middle of her deep afternoon nap than fussing and me having to bounce her on the ball while the lady tried to talk to me over her screaming. Now that she's sleeping peacefully in her lamb swing, we'll go for it again tomorrow. Today she made it about 5 minutes before the attempt was over. I'd try again, but like I said...sleeping baby for company = sanity for mom. :)

I must also make note of how lucky we are to have such great friends. On Saturday, I got a call from our friend, Julie, asking if she could come over and help out around the house a bit. I have a really hard time saying yes or asking for this kind of help, but I agreed to it and she came on down...and was here cleaning her little heart out for over 2 hours. My house was SO much cleaner than it was before she came and we were soooo grateful (especially OCD mommy). There's my shout out to Jewels - THANK YOU!!

Next order of business. Nursing (go figure). Saturday night we were all set to have Jason & Julie over for pizza, cheesecake, and wine to thank them for their help and Morgan got hungry about 15 minutes before they were set to come. So I get ready to nurse her and low and behold - the child forgot how to latch on. I mean it. Actually FORGOT how to latch. I digress momentarily - we were pretty confident in Morgan's lack of nipple confusion at this point and gave her the nuk that had given us SO much trouble at the hospital b/c she did better with that one that the other ones we'd tried. She'd had access to it for at least 2 days and for whatever reason, it was the end-all to nursing. We tried everything...took breaks, mom cried, Morgan cried (screamed and screamed, actually). I knew she could do it though b/c she did it at the hospital...so finally after trying, crying, screaming (Morgan), napping, etc., Morgan had success after I put my pinky finger in her mouth and got her sucking on that first, then moved her to nurse. It worked!! Thank GOD. I was starting to get worried that A) she was sick or B) that we'd have to take her to the ER to get fluids in an IV so she wouldn't become dehydrated while we figured out this latch thing. And she hasn't had any problems since. Needless to say, that nuk is currently on its way to whatever landfill our trash goes to as it was picked up a few hours ago. She didn't even want one today when I tried reintroducing her old one to see if she wanted it. Fine by me!

Alright, off to get some things done really fast before the lady gets here and the baby is sleeping. PS. I can't seem to eat enough the past day or so. I'm always starving. I never feel full. I think Morgan's going through her 3-week growth spurt so that must mean that I am too...sort of. :)

Busy Baby

We had a busy rest of our week this week! Here's how it broke down (while the little monkey is still sleeping...FINALLY today...):

Wednesday: After the success with nursing really getting going Monday and Tuesday, I felt it was only right and good that I take my friend, Casey's, advice and go to Breastfeeding Support Group (by Genesis Hospital) in the Quad Cities. Morgan must have sensed how important it was to me since she got up, nursed, hung out for a bit, and then was super content to sit in her little lamb chair while I took a shower. This was a beautiful first. We were planning on leaving around 9:15am to get there by 10am (with a yummy stop at McD's for breakfast for mommy) but of course she got hungry at 9:00am so we had a quick "snack" before heading out. Support group was GREAT. Turns out I had been on the right track given my previous advice that week and got a few more tips to make things go even more smoothly. I think we're implementing the strategies alright, but we'll likely go back one more time to make sure. Then we met Casey, Joe, and little JoJo for lunch at Olive Garden before heading out to Target...but not after a feeding in the empty part of the lot. :) We're flexible. We jammed to the radio while she was nursing. It was actually kind of relaxing...oddly enough. It was awesome to get out, do lunch, shop a little...I felt almost normal again. I was even compelled to look at real clothes again, but nursing tanks/bras took presidence so new clothes will have to be on the back burner for now. :) Good day! I was impressed with how well she did and only cried when she was hungry or needed a bum change.

Thursday: We had plans to run errands in the morning before Adam came home for lunch...but Morgan had other ideas. She decided to get hungry early (she's my daughter, what can I say, when a girl's gotta eat...don't get in the way!) which threw off our schedule to do errands. We decided to put them off until after lunch which actually worked out better than I had anticipated. We went to the doctor's to drop off my maternity leave paperwork since my doctor is going on medical leave next week for a few months. Then off to my work to pick up my mileage check and have Morgan meet the secretaries. They loved her and were sad that I didn't take her out of her car seat...but it was a short visit and I knew I was on borrowed time (between feedings). We then went to the Y so I could walk for a little while and get the exercise ball (slowly!!) rolling. Since it was SO nice outside, I Bjorned her outside and then went in to walk at the track. I lasted about 13 minutes or so before I started to get worried that I was going to pee my pants. Yup, you read that right. Since Morgan was a big girl (although any kid coming out of a woman is going to feel big, I'm sure), she must have stretched out my "parts" a little bit so things are loose. Which means when I have to pee, I mean now. So anyway, we did well, she slept through the whole thing before we went to Walmart for a few quick things. By this time I was questioning whether or not we should just go home we were past feeding time...but we went anyway. And who do I see but my old boss, Kelly! She's 8 weeks away from her due date and it was great to see her and catch up a little...until Morgan realized what fun I was having and woke up STARVING. So we hightailed it out of there and ran home to eat. Another good day of being out in public! :)

Friday: Hmm...:-/ Today was a little different. Morgan was on a great track this morning to be on a good feeding/nap schedule and then she forgot to do the nap part. Which made her fussy. And then made her fussier. So thankfully I had eaten breakfast and brushed my teeth before she got up b/c that was the last of the things I was able to do for myself until about 2pm with Adam home (he took the afternoon off so he could go hunting later). We struggled back and forth b/w feeding, changing diapers, bouncing on the ball...anything I could think of. Sigh. 2 good days and 1 ok/iffy one...not too bad for an 18-day old baby. (which floors me...it feels like I could say years instead of days...!). Days like today make me SUPER nervous for when Adam travels and I have no one to relieve me without asking for outside help - which is really hard for me. I would consider asking others for personal favors WAY outside of my box. He travels for the first time again in 2 weeks. His parents might be coming down for the 2nd half of the week, but I'm not going to lie - I'm a little nervous for M-W. I know I can and will do it. :)

For some reason the past two days, I've been ready to kind of "detach" and have a little more me-time...which doesn't mean that it just happens. For example, last night I thought Morgan was going down for the night and I'd feed her just before 10pm/bed for me and I'd be able to just chill out and watch TV for a while...but then she woke up RIGHT as I was beginning that relaxing time...and I never got it. For some reason, that irked me more than I thought it would or should. I didn't like that one bit. I'm her mother; I should be able to handle whatever she needs as it is not even close to her fault if she's tired/hungry/diaper/etc...So that's what I'm working on in the next few days. I think part of it is that things are starting to pile up around here in terms of housework (a lesser concern I guess), thank you's, etc. Ok, new topic. I don't like talking/writing about how inadequate I feel sometimes... ;-)

One thing of note today...I gave Morgan her Vitamin D supplement drops as that's the only thing I (guess I) don't give her enough of through nursing. And I thought I might have killed her. She was crying so I thought it would be a good opportunity since A) her mouth was open and B) she was upset already so if she didn't like it, no harm no foul. So I squirt it in her mouth...and I thought she stopped breathing. Then I freaked out (while quietly waiting so as not to scare her) that I had squirted it down her trachea...but all she kept doing was swallowing, swallowing, swallowing, and hardly breathing...and then she was breathing fine, no coughing...then I recalled reading somewhere that it tasted pretty bad...so I tasted it and WOAH. That was one of the grossest things I have ever tasted. And I had had one DROP, not a whole mL like Morgan had had. I quick whipped out a milk "chaser" for her but she wasn't having it. Poor little thing...but get this - she almost instantly fell asleep after she was done swallowing. Hmm. I've put a shout out to anyone who knows of a different brand/kind b/c that's brutal. I might just have to lay her in the sun for a while each day instead of giving her that stuff again until she can have it in a bottle. ICK.

Nursing is still going alright. I don't feel like I'm really healing fast enough (or at all) sometimes. And I'm a little nervous that my right side might be cracking...but it's not getting worse/better so we're just going to go with it for now. Off to get some things done while she's sleeping and Adam's hunting. I'm excited to try church for the first time with Morgan this weekend. And I need to get her baptism invites out since that's coming up too!! Ahh!! So much to do...but tomorrow Julie and I are going for pedicures at 1pm...can't wait. :) She's got the best ideas sometimes! :)

Nursing: Update (long post!)

Today was a day of firsts for us! :) Let's back up. Last night was sort of a first as well...Morgan was fed during the 8pm hour and then didn't wake up until the 1am hour to be fed. I even woke her a little (she was fussing in her sleep) b/c I needed a little "relief" and I knew she'd be up soon anyway. THEN she didn't get up until 7:15am!! So we can really count that as getting up once last night. AWESOME. Granted, she was up for 2 hours b/w feeding and then some fuss, but once! I'll TAKE it. After she was done feeding at the 7am feeding, I went to change her diaper and found the picture below - no more icky umbilical cord belly button! It fell off! I was so excited and then grossed out a bit b/c I had no idea where it went...but it was in her jammies. Very excited about this one! And the ick left behind has looked really good all day and she should have a regular innie in no time. Tonight is a night of lasts, I guess, since this should be her last sponge bath since we'll be able to do regular baths after her belly button is completely healed. Yay!
Then later this afternoon just before Adam got home, I remembered that we had a Baby Bjorn to carry her around in that we hadn't tried yet. So I put it on and strapped her in...and we loved it! It was SO handy to be able to walk around the house doing a few things here and there while she was lulled to sleep. Another notch in the great day belt. :)

This picture (below) was from Sunday...Sleepiest. Packer fan. Ever. What a cutie, if I do say so myself although clearly I'm biased. We had to wear this outfit for Daddy and our outing we went on to Iowa City that day. She did really well on the outing - it was to the University of Iowa for a study Adam was involved in and then BW3s for lupper (lunch/supper)...and then she slept until we were on our way home...and woke up STARVING and screaming just as we were pulling out of the city. I was really sad that she was so hungry (it had been 4+ hours since her last feeding) and it would be 45 minutes until we got home...so I started crying and we pulled over to an empty parking lot so I could at least nurse her for a bit to tide her over until we got home. She ended up screaming here and there anyway b/c she needed her diaper changed and we were eager to get home asap to finish the feeding (and perhaps someone was excited for the Packer game we were missing). Lesson learned...although the night was TERRIBLE. Her worst ever. She was up from the hours of midnight-4:20am doing such things as feeding, fussing, screaming, and being ALMOST asleep before waking up again. And feedings were killer so we both ended up crying at some point that night. Sigh. But we made it through and Monday ended up MUCH better than Sunday night (will get to this later).


Alright, update on nursing. By Monday after a night of next to NO sleep (2 hours before fuss and 2 hours after) and the incredible pain I was experiencing each time she fed on my left side (reminder - right side is FINE, doesn't hurt at all), I was a wreck. Especially since Morgan cried much of the morning and I had no idea what to do (fed, clean diaper, comfortable, ????). So then I get a call from my friend, Casey, who wanted to know if I wanted her to come over and provide some insight into nursing. I eagerly accepted b/c at this point I had no idea what to do and was in so much pain each time I fed her I was desparate. Long story short - Casey informed me that Morgan's latch WAS correct and that we were good to go there. Thank GOD. Now, for some healing...but I digress for a second. Just after Casey called, a woman from the Dept. of Public Health called to ask how things were going. I had tried calling them earlier that morning but got nowhere and was rather upset about it. So anyway, she called and said that she'd have a nipple shield waiting for me when I was able to come and get it. Also, she was booked for the day but said she'd see me if she had a moment while I was there. I finally got there around 4pm after Casey left and I had a nap with the baby (who finally slept!!) and chatted with her for a bit. She seemed pretty sure that the nipple shield would be all I needed while I healed and then I'd be good to go. I agreed. By this time, I was super hopeful...and then Adam came home. Morgan got hungry right then. I started her on my good/right side and it was fine...then put the nipple shield on (was worried if she'd take it or not b/c it was much bigger than I was, although it was super flexible) and she did pretty well. I finally got to cry b/c it DIDN'T hurt like I was dying and she was getting the milk she needed. I am eager for my nipple to heal up so we can go without it but I am still SO thankful that I was able to finally suck it up, stop being so stubborn, and admit this was not something I could fix myself. Yes, I realize I have a problem with this. And am coming to realize, as many new mothers do, that asking for help sooner rather than later is the best way to go. People can tell you this a million times but sometimes you just have to go for it on your own. I wish I was not so stubborn sometimes. I would have saved myself SO much pain and agony.

Another part of Monday that really got me down was Morgan's 2 week weight check. I hadn't fed her before we went in b/c she was usually waking up and eating around 9:30am and since we had to be there at 8am, I just changed her diaper, put her in her car seat in her jammies, and headed to the ped's office. Mistake on so many levels. First of all, she was obviously starving by the time we got there b/c even though it was at least an hour earlier, she was awake and first thing in the morning, that means eat. Then when they finally weighed her, she was 8lbs 14oz which was 2.4 oz under her birth weight, therefore she needed to come in again next week to make sure she was gaining enough and we didn't need to start supplementing her diet with formula. At this point, supplementing = failing as an exclusive breastfeeder (EBF) in my mind, especially since I was in such pain and with the lack of sleep. After Morgan was taken care of at the scale, I turned to the nurse and started to ask her for a referral to anyone who could help me with breastfeeding asap that day (this is Monday). I'm mid-sentence...and start crying. She was great and got me in touch with Public Health and eventually to Louise who gave me the miracle nipple shield. So I'm fully convinced that Morgan would have passed her first weigh-in had I fed her that morning. I'm not worried especially since she's been eating longer and more since yesterday. She might be starting her first growth spurt - I've read it happens at 2 or 3 weeks - although she just proved too long for her newborn onsies this morning and is wearing the last NB onsie she'll ever fit in. Ever. OMGosh that means she's getting huge. She's still my little girl no matter what she doesn't fit into anymore. :-/

A note to you ladies reading this blog that do not have kids yet and have been scared out of your mind about breastfeeding after reading my woes. I think I would be scared too...but please keep these things in mind (as I'm a huge advocate for BFing if that's your decision):

• My right side is fine! What happened was Morgan tried my left side the very first time minutes after she was born and we didn't have a clue what we were doing. A good latch is KEY. Since her latch was less than stellar, I had some small blood blisters right off the bat since I didn't correct her. Error #1. Back to the right side though - it's great! So if you get the right latch, you'll be great after your nips get tough.
  
• Don't be stubborn like I was and think you can get it on your own if you're in such pain. I've got some serious cracking going on even though I religiously put lanolin lotion/goo on after each feeding. If it hurts and you don't think it's right, talk to someone RIGHT AWAY! And you'll be fine before you know it.
  
• It's not your fault if feeding/nursing goes less than stellar. Each baby is different and each mommy is different.
• READ about how to nurse before giving it a whirl or talk to someone who's been there. Here's where my stubbornness comes into play again - I thought I could do it with the help of the nurses after birth. While they were helpful, each had her own opinion and it was almost too much info at once. I didn't know which advice to really take. If I had known that Morgan's chin needed to be tucked into my breast and her upper lip/nose placed in such a way (which was SOOO close to what I had been doing...just not quite right though), I would have been in a much better place MUCH sooner.

So I apologize if I've scared any of you from BFing. It's truly a magical thing, but it's NOT as natural as you read it is. It's just not. It takes work and dedication but it's SO worth it in in the end on so many levels. Even when it's 2am and I'm tired, it's totally worth it.

Other than that, things are on the up and up. I went to the doctor today for my 2 week checkup and got a clean bill of health. I am able to start walking and doing light exercise at my own pace. And I'm taking it slow b/c I want to heal correctly. I am pretty in tune with my body at the moment and know when I need to take a break or stop what I'm doing. I go back at the 6 week mark which I think will be my final one. Whew. But it's true what they say - all modesty is gone. It's part of the process, I think. I think I signed that paperwork while I was signing the epidural paperwork. :)

Ok, off to give the monkey her last sponge bath. She hates them. I'm glad this will be the last one. Then big girl baths in her tub she's borrowing from cousins Tatum and Talia! :) Thanks, girls!

Nursing: Woes and Triumphs

So I'd like to touch on a topic that no one can prepare you for - nursing. And by prepare, I mean for how wonderful and horrendous it can be all at the same time. Let me explain...

Wonderful

• It's amazing to us that my body makes milk that sustains our little girl's life. I know this is a natural thing for almost all living beings, but to witness it with our little miracle is still something to be in awe of for us.
  
• She's so tiny when I'm nursing her. She just falls into place like she's done this since being in the womb. Almost...will touch on that later...
• I love it that she depends on me for this - and sometimes dread it (again, will touch on this later).
  
• We almost die laughing during middle of the night feedings (done in our bed at the moment since her bassinet is right next to me for now) when she's nursing away and then does this "huge" grunt and farts like there's no tomorrow. Last night she did it almost in Adam's face...hilarious. Then Adam knows what he's in for when he goes to change her before going back to bed...
• It's just an amazing thing...and I'm going to stick with it for as long as I can...which I'm hoping puts us at the beginning of the next school year (Aug 2010).
  

Horrendous

• Nursing hurts. I have ranked it #2 on my list of painful things, including ACL reconstruction and recovery. Obviously, labor pains are first. Sometimes I'd rather do PT on my knee again than nurse the baby for the sheer pain of it. Thankfully my right side is healed and getting pretty tough and really no longer hurts except for the first 15 seconds or so when she's latching on. The left side...TOTALLY different story. For some reason, this little monkey has decided that her latch on my left side is for nipple only instead of the areola AND nipple. That said, it feels like my left nipple might fall off at each feeding which is something I have psych myself up for it. I have cried b/c of the pain (usually accompanied by some wicked fatigue though) and don't wish it on anyone, really. Adam has even said that he's thankful it's not him nursing in general b/c it looks like it hurts. I've had TONS of support this week from friends and acquaintences that I am so grateful for. I feel like I'm getting a handle on the left side and it's getting a little better. I think I just need some serious healing to happen there and I'll be set to go.
  

Alright, peeps. Off to get some rest while the baby is sleeping. I'm not going to quit nursing her b/c of this. A friend of mine went through something 100x worse with BFing and if she can get through it, I can too. With lots of gritting of teeth and curling of toes. :) Anything for her to become healthy and strong.