Nursing: Woes and Triumphs

So I'd like to touch on a topic that no one can prepare you for - nursing. And by prepare, I mean for how wonderful and horrendous it can be all at the same time. Let me explain...

Wonderful

• It's amazing to us that my body makes milk that sustains our little girl's life. I know this is a natural thing for almost all living beings, but to witness it with our little miracle is still something to be in awe of for us.
  
• She's so tiny when I'm nursing her. She just falls into place like she's done this since being in the womb. Almost...will touch on that later...
• I love it that she depends on me for this - and sometimes dread it (again, will touch on this later).
  
• We almost die laughing during middle of the night feedings (done in our bed at the moment since her bassinet is right next to me for now) when she's nursing away and then does this "huge" grunt and farts like there's no tomorrow. Last night she did it almost in Adam's face...hilarious. Then Adam knows what he's in for when he goes to change her before going back to bed...
• It's just an amazing thing...and I'm going to stick with it for as long as I can...which I'm hoping puts us at the beginning of the next school year (Aug 2010).
  

Horrendous

• Nursing hurts. I have ranked it #2 on my list of painful things, including ACL reconstruction and recovery. Obviously, labor pains are first. Sometimes I'd rather do PT on my knee again than nurse the baby for the sheer pain of it. Thankfully my right side is healed and getting pretty tough and really no longer hurts except for the first 15 seconds or so when she's latching on. The left side...TOTALLY different story. For some reason, this little monkey has decided that her latch on my left side is for nipple only instead of the areola AND nipple. That said, it feels like my left nipple might fall off at each feeding which is something I have psych myself up for it. I have cried b/c of the pain (usually accompanied by some wicked fatigue though) and don't wish it on anyone, really. Adam has even said that he's thankful it's not him nursing in general b/c it looks like it hurts. I've had TONS of support this week from friends and acquaintences that I am so grateful for. I feel like I'm getting a handle on the left side and it's getting a little better. I think I just need some serious healing to happen there and I'll be set to go.
  

Alright, peeps. Off to get some rest while the baby is sleeping. I'm not going to quit nursing her b/c of this. A friend of mine went through something 100x worse with BFing and if she can get through it, I can too. With lots of gritting of teeth and curling of toes. :) Anything for her to become healthy and strong.

8 days old

Wow. I can't believe it's been 8 days since Morgan made her grand entrance into our now crazy world. It's soooo rewarding but I'm not going to lie - it's challenging and sometimes we even cry together when it gets tough. Usually it's a result of me being SO overtired (I don't always feel this way) with a splash of hormones. Some highlights of the past week:

The Good:

• She's amazing. She's beautiful. I love her more than anything...
• She likes car rides...and if you talk to her Aunt Steph on the phone and turn off the radio to do so, she'll get upset until you turn the country back on. :) Atta girl.
• At night when she goes for 3 hours of sleep at a time, I feel like a new woman the next day...as long as there is another 2-3 hour stint in there as well.
  
• She's so little yet but getting big fast. Not sure how long we can pull off this "newborn" size...especially in diapers.
• Her toes are long like mine. Her face looks like her Daddy's baby picture. I love these things.

The Bad:

• Sometimes, like I said earlier, we cry together b/c life gets hard/challenging with a newborn.
  
• She's had one poo-splosion. It went through 2 onsies. Impressive.
• Today we went through 3 diapers before we got to the 4th clean one. Scenario - moderate poo diaper. Change diaper. Just as mommy's snapping the onsie in place, THAT toot happens...after she works that out, change diaper. Then she pees on the 3rd diaper b/c she's upset. 4th diaper is a charm. :)
• I'm finally starting to get "tough" during breastfeeding. This is/has been BRUTAL. As in ranked #2 behind contractions/labor. It IS getting better though as we get used to each other and I position her better. Praise the LORD or I'd be buying new tatas.
  

The Beautiful:

• Even when it's the middle of the night, just as she's (finally) falling back to sleep, she'll sometimes accidentally smile. And melts my heart even though I'm frustrated or upset that I'm awake at that hour.
• I love the way Adam loves her. He's so natural at the "Daddy thing" with Morgan.
  

But more later, as duty calls. Adam worked all day today and is now at class taking a test...makes for a semi-tough day. We're getting through it and just about to get her another sponge bath I think...makes for an unhappy baby. Wish me luck!

The Picture Post

Finally!! Some pictures!! Please enjoy them and thank you for your patience with me posting them so late. Beware - she's really cute and easy to fall in love with...or maybe we're biased. :)

A tuckered out Morgan & Daddy...being born is hard work!

A happy, clean mommy and Morgan.

A very PROUD Daddy and Morgan just before leaving the hospital.

So sleepy and hot from some screaming...

Morgan in her "little lamb" swing - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not.

Daddy & Morgan relaxin', watchin' football.

First "bath" - NOT a happy camper

Morgan after she was "hit" by the Mack truck of fatigue and oversized jammies.

Morgan enjoying her baby book from her friend, Campbell Keibler.

Morgan Addison Schmidt, Installment #4

Wow! Two in one day! That means I'm minding what the doctors told me to and am getting 2 sitz baths in today. Go me. :)

So the epidural was in and while I could still move my legs a bit, they were relatively numb and the moving was not very reliable. I could still feel the top of the contractions like I said in my PP, but eventually even those went away for the most part. I took the opportunity to relax and doze a bit (can you believe one could DOZE during labor?? It IS possible, ladies and gentlemen, with the help of the epi). Eventually Dr. Coleman came back to check me again and said I was at a 6 (cm). I was shocked and surprised since she'd only been gone an hour or two! Then the nurse checked me later and I was at an 8!! Another hour or so had gone by. Things were speeding up now and we were getting pretty excited...although my excited was more of a big sheepish grin since it didn't hurt at all anymore, really.

Then the nurse said that she wanted to put in a catheter since it had been a while since I'd used the bathroom (epi = no walking, so no peeing) and announced she'd do so around 6:15pm after checking me to see my progress. She was thinking it might be a quick in/out thing and not be left in b/c I was making such good/fast progress. Well, 6:15pm rolls around and she doesn't come back. I digress for a minute - while I could feel no real pain per se, I could definitely feel pressure of Morgan moving down. It wasn't a painful pressure at all, just something where I knew she was moving through my body. Hard to explain...but that's the best I can do. Finally I told Adam that if Carol (nurse) wasn't back by 6:25pm, I was going to call for her b/c every time I was contracting, I felt like she was getting lower in my pelvis. So 6:25pm rolls around and I call her in.

Carol checks and says yup, you're at an 8/9cm and since Dr. Coleman will come when you're at 9cm, we'll do the cath and then check to see if it's time to call her. So eons later (at least this is what it feels like when you're just about to meet your daughter after anialating your body) she checks me one more time and says "Yup, you're at a 9, I'm going to go call Dr. Coleman and then we'll cath you. It should take her 10 minutes to get here." By the time she got the tools back for cathing, Dr. Coleman was there and making jokes and laughing with us. I was cathed (they took it right out, woo hoo!) and Dr. Coleman said we didn't need to keep it in since Morgan would be here soon. She checked me and said "You're at a 10! We can start having you push now." Ok, I did my best not to cuss up to this point and I must reiterate that I'm not in pain, but I looked at Dr. Coleman and said, "You've got to be shitting me" before a big smile spread across my face. (Again, who would be smiling when her parts about to be potentially ripped apart?!? - yeah, me).

So the next contraction came and I started pushing. Now, I have no idea how this actually works as I'm a rookie. Do I push like I'm going #2? Do I concentrate on my stomach muscles? Either way, Adam grabbed a leg, a nurse grabbed a leg, and I grabbed behind my knees and bore down. I got about 3-4 pushes in per contraction each lasting about 10 seconds. Everyone around me did great telling me when to breath and when I was doing better vs not as productive pushing.

Let me preface this next part. Adam has told me from the very beginning that he did not want to "look" while the baby was coming out. That was fine with me, whatever made him more comfortable and better able to support me was great. So when Morgan's head was visible and Dr. Coleman announced she had lots of dark hair, I just about died laughing when she said, "Adam get over here, you have to see this." I'm pushing, mind you, but in my head I'm laughing hysterically to see what he's going to do. So he goes to look...and said it was amazing to see what was going on. He also failed to mention until after (because he's really a genius - seriously) that his first thought was "Holy crap, she's huge" as that would have not been good to hear on my end.

So push push push for almost a half an hour and Dr. Coleman announces she is going to do an episiotomy. NO!! I don't WANT her to cut me and make the baby come out easier! She said a cut heals better/faster than a tear; I said give me one more try/contraction/pushing series and I could do it; she said ok, but after that she was going to cut a little. Fine. I instantly became the best pusher EVER and made enough progress where she didn't have to cut...and at 7:29pm, out came her head, then shoulder #1, and just as quickly, shoulder #2...and voila!! Morgan Addision Schmidt was here!!!!! Adam's reaction - amazement and not many words...my reaction - pointing at the baby saying "Ah!! Ah!! She's here!! Oh my God!! She's here!! Look at her, she's right there!!!" in a tone that went something like this - I'm the winner!! I just won everything! I did it!! It was amazing. And next thing I know I have this little being on my chest screaming her head off (best sound ever that day). I suddenly came to my senses and said "wait!! She's a girl, right??" b/c the umbilical cord was between her legs, and yes (obviously) she had her girl parts that we had checked and double checked multiple times on ultrasounds.

Birth was truly amazing. I'd do it all over again as long as I was garaunteed an epidural. :) More later...water out again in my sitz bath.

Morgan Addison Schmidt, Installment #3

Alright, where was I...so Dr. Coleman broke my water around 4pm. Thank goodness my friend, Abbie, had warned me that the pain would likely go up pretty quickly from there or I would NOT have been prepared for the onslaught of pain that came on within about 10-15 minutes. I was all set to keep breathing and see what I could do - my doctor, the genius (seriously speaking here) stuck around to see how I would do...needless to say, it was not going well. Meaning my pain tolerance. I consider myself a pretty tough gal when it comes to that stuff. I've played through all sorts of pains and even did 50% sprints on a torn ACL in high school track. I've handled quite a bit without a tear. All these things combined are NOTHING compared to labor, as I'm sure many of you women can attest to. I instantly forgot any breathing techniques I had learned and just knew that I might die here on this bed if I have to go through this until the middle of the night sometime (which was a good possibility, per doc/nurse) with contractions coming every 2 minutes (meaning a peak every 2 minutes) and being super intense. I promised myself I wouldn't shed a real tear b/c I knew then that I would lose it and never make it back to any sort of control I might have had. That said, I cried without tears at each contraction, clung to the bed rail for fear of breaking any of Adam's appendages from monster squeezes, and just prayed for each one to be over. I feel badly for anyone who came down the hall at that point on her way to labor b/c I was unable to be quiet and was rather loud. I only cussed a few times, though, so I have to be a little proud of that. :)

So anyway, backing up a little...by the 2nd contraction after Dr. Coleman broke my water, I yelled "yes!!! I want the epidural!! Get him!!" and Dr. Coleman vanished into thin air to order it. Of course the epi guy isn't waiting outside the door or anything so after what felt like 10 years (Adam claims 20 minutes. Not so sure about that.) this guy finally walks through the door. I didn't cuss at him, but I did say, "OH THANK GOD YOU'RE FINALLY HERE!!" I may have said something else like what took so long, but we'll claim that as a long lost memory that may not have actually been said. ;) So Carol (one of the best nurses) had me hang on to the sides of her scrubs (which I thought was instant permission to cling for dear life - Adam ended up helping the anesthesiologist with instruments) and tuck my chin while sitting (another time I thought they were lying - they wanted me to MOVE??? I had been lying on my side) so he could get the epi in asap.

Here's the fun part...I'm sitting there, doing what I'm pretty sure is the next closest thing to dying, and all of a sudden I hear, "Don't you go to the University of Iowa?" and Adam respond with, "Yeah, I take MBA classes right now..." and they start discussing how they've actually had a CLASS together, etc etc...and thank God I could hardly talk b/c the thoughts running through my head at that point went something like this; "I don't care WHERE you go to school or WHAT class you guys took together (points at self/back) - GET YOUR MIND IN THE GAME AND GET THAT DAMN NEEDLE IN MY SPINE!!!!" But I held back (mostly b/c I couldn't talk) and just waited for that wonderful chemical concoction to kick in and make me feel less like I was dying. And when it did, it was the best thing ever. First my right leg/foot started to get hot, then slowly my left did...then I was only feeling the very top of the contractions...then I was hardly feeling them at all. I didn't care who checked me, who did what, looked where; I could breath again. I wasn't dying. And it all went great after that.

Again. Water gone. More later. I hear a fussy baby that just had a minor blowout (not an outfit change! Yeah!) who is likely hungry. :)

Morgan Addison Schmidt, Installment #2

So after I wrote about the first half of the birthing story yesterday, I realized I forgot a crucial part. At the noon-ish visit from Dr. Coleman, she was checking me (which was getting a bit painful due to the amount of time it was taking her) when all of a sudden I was in an extreme amount of pain while she was in there. I kind of yelped out loud a bit and she nodded and said something along the lines that she understood and was sorry. When she was done checking me, I asked her why that had hurt so much more...she said she had stripped my membranes. Now don't get me wrong, I think I've sung Dr. Coleman's praises a million times on this blog and will continue to do so as I really like and trust her. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean she's absolutely perfect b/c the fact that she was stripping my membranes would have been an EXCELLENT thing to know ahead of time so I hadn't almost jumped off the table in pain. It was over quickly...but next time...a little WARNING please!!

So anyway, we were at the 3/4pm visit from Dr. Coleman. This is where it gets interesting. At this point, she comes in to check me and had said that if I was at a 3/4cm, then she would break my water and it would be go-time today (Monday). Back up. My contractions at this point were requiring breathing through them, just big in/out breaths, but breathing to manage the pain nonetheless. So she goes in to check and is digging around forever again...and then announces that she's breaking my water (this is all in fastforward motion, btw), has Adam help her get the "magic wand" out, and POW there goes the flood. And I mean flood! I was pretty sure that all liquid that was currently in my body was now all over the bed. It didn't hurt to have my water actually broken but as one could imagine, it was pretty gross feeling. I never saw it. Then Dr. Coleman delivered some not-so-good news - the water had a *slight* tinge of green to it and I immediately knew what she was going to say...yup, there was a little meconium (baby poo) in the water but it was a very SLIGHT tinge so likely it would all be ok. She was just going to have to take an extra second or two when Morgan's head was out to suction and get any remaining meconium out of her mouth/nose before birthing the rest of her.

Shoot - I ran out of water in my sitz bath. This is where it gets really interesting b/c the pain went from a 4/5 to about a 90 in less than 10 minutes. Again, more on that next time, folks. Thanks for being patient with me. I realize I haven't put pictures up yet, but I can't take my PC to the bathroom with me - only a laptop will do. :) Until next time...

Morgan Addison Schmidt

She's here!! She's here!! And she's perfect!! I plan to write the birth story in stages just because a mommy has to be flexible and I'm doing alright at it, I think. Adam's been amazing and I just have to start off with that. I wouldn't have been able to do this without him.

So we went in Sunday night and got settled in. The nurse put in the prostoglandins, which, as I think I mentioned before, is like a little flat tampon of chemicals that stays next to my cervix over night for 12 hours. After registration and everything finally got done, my cool nurse handed me over to the ok nurse who put it in - ow. She had a hard time finding my cervix which of course meant more "in time" which never feels comfortable when the nurse is near your tonsils. :) But success, it was in, and we went to sleep with thoughts of our daughter running through our heads.

We were awakened the next morning at 6am and I was allowed to take the prostoglandin tampon out. Half an hour later, they started me on Pitocin. I was pretty sure that since I was already 2cm and 80% effaced before the Prostoglandins that I would be almost ready to get into labor after that...but alas, I had not made much further progress. Boo. Was kind of sad about that. So off to Pitocin we went.

We ate breakfast (which was liquids only for me - ick), watched some TV, and waited for Dr. Coleman to come and check my progress. I was fully expecting to hear that I had made moves in cm's but alas, she came in, and nothing. I hadn't really moved at all by 9am. I was pretty disheartened by this news as I had anticipated having a baby around the noon hour, maybe late afternoon. Dr. Coleman told the nurse, Carol (loved this one), to up the Pitocin a bunch and keep her posted. She'd be back around noon. Which really meant almost 1pm in doctor time. :) She checked me and said that I had made "progress" but was really only at a 2, maybe 3. BUMMER! I was sad again and she told us our options -

1. Keep going with the Pitocin and if I get to a 3-4 (cm) then she'd break my water and we'd go for it.
2. If I hadn't made progress then we could stop the Pitocin and wait until the morning when I was given mondo-Pitocin and they'd break my water - a sure bet we'd have the baby the next day.

I was devastated to hear #2. In my mind, her birthday was MONDAY, OCT.19th. Not the 20th - that wrecked my whole "granddaughter sandwich" idea for birthdays (Al's is the 18th and my dad's is the 20th). So Dr. Coleman said that she'd come back around 3-4pm and we'd make a decision from there.

I'm writing these posts where all mommies get privacy - in the bathroom in a sitz bath (helps for healing). My water for the bath just ran out so I'll continue this tomorrow. And maybe post some pictures...I've got some on facebook, but I know not all of you can get there. I'm working on it! :) And loving being a new mommy.

We're goin' in..

WOAH. I think we're officially ready to go in (as I have a big BHC on my own). I know I said the game plan, but here it is one more time:

• Go to hospital by 6pm tonight. Get the chemical insertion (prostoglandins). Wait 12 hours and see what happens. This chemical may be enough to put me into labor but there's no way to tell.
• Monday morning - 6am. Start Pitocin, the magical "put me into labor" drug. For many women, it causes a fast, more painful labor. For others, it causes a long, drawn out labor. It really depends on many different factors and if your cervix is ready/lowered/thinned out/etc. Since I have quite a bit of my effacing done and some dilation, I'm guessing (and hoping a little) that I will be in the former group of fast, painful labor.
• Plan of attack - go without drugs for as long as I can. If that means no drugs at all, great. If that means I make it 10 minutes and am screaming for the epidural, that's fine with us too. It's a game-day decision, much like the baby's middle name. :)
  

Ok, off to eat my last hot meal until I'm 45. Thank you in advance for your love, support, and prayers! We'll keep you posted as soon as we can as we welcome our little bundle of joy into the world. Wish us luck! :)

A Few Things I've learned...(4 days overdue)

I've learned lots of things through this pregnancy (I mean a lot):

• Expect and deal with unpredictability. This has not always been easy but I've learned to do so and I'm better for it.
  
• It's possible to gain 40lbs and not feel terribly fat in my rear - which is usually where I feel fat when I'm not pregnant. Nice.
  
• Pregnancy and an impending baby can make me love my husband more than I did the day before - every day. And I think the feeling is mutual/reciprocated.
  
• I am not nearly as fearful of labor (at this moment in time) as I thought I would be with it less than 2 days away.
  
• Pregnancy is not the end all to living life. I can still stack wood (just 1 at a time), mow lawn, clean the house, and be a personal attendant in a wedding at nine months pregnant. I might not last as long in some of these tasks, but I can do them and do not break. Maybe I'm just a lucky one that had an easy pregnancy (ok, I know this is true) but after hearing some stories, I really thought that by now I'd be ready to cry every other hour for the pain/discomfort I was expecting. I also realize that others DO have this pain. But the horror stories I heard/have seen made me think I'd be ready to die by now. I'm ready to be unpregnant, sure, but I feel alright. Again, lucky me!
• Even at 27 - I still wonder if I'm ready for this. If I'm going to be good at this. If I'm going to be ok with it not being about just us as a "couple" family, but a "whole" family complete with children. Then, 2 seconds later, I feel silly b/c I've been waiting for this moment forever. And I can't wait for her to be here. And I know we're going to be good (not perfect) at this.
  
• Everyone has a story. I'm going to try not to, but I know eventually I'll be there too.
  
• I never thought I'd be so worried/concerned about what I might find when I go to the bathroom as I was in the first trimester and the end of the last trimester before we hit the "safe to be born" time. Thankfully we've made it through all those times with no incident. Although now I'd LOVE to find something that indicated this show would get on the road...although now that things are all "scheduled," I feel somewhat in control again and I don't know if I really want to give that up.
  
• I've learned more about the female body than I thought I knew. Amazing how much there still likely is to know that I'll find out Sunday/Monday during the induction process. :)
  
• My body will gain what it needs to. I didn't plan on 40lbs. But I guess the baby and my body did. :)
  
• I have found more support and love than I could ever have imagined in friends and family members that I wasn't as close to and now feel like I could talk to about anything. I am so thankful for these people (you know who you are!) and thank God every day for them.

I think that's all for now b/c my learned brain is turning to mush at the moment. Tomorrow night we start prostoglandins in the hospital and then Pitocin in the morning (Monday). Can you believe it? She's likely going to be here in less than 45 hours. Amazing.

Dr. Appt Update

I really didn't want to go to school today. I was ready to just be done, stay home, and pray for dilation/water breaking. So I got up and went anyway and am so happy I did. The teachers and staff were so sweet and gave me tons of well wishes...my kids were all good and SHOCKED that I wouldn't be back until after Christmas. I was thinking it would be ok to wait until Valentine's Day, but we like my paycheck...ok, need my paycheck...so I'll be going back as planned. :)

I left school a bit early to go to my next regular checkup, fully expecting to have dilated maybe another cm or maybe effaced to 90% or so...and then she checked and told me I had made...NO CHANGE. Nothing! How can that be?? I walked MILES in the past few days...I ate spicy food...I did all sorts of things to progress or get her moved along or SOMETHING...nothing. Oh well, we're set for getting this birthing ball rolling so here's the game plan:

Friday: Date night with my husband (really looking forward to this!)
Saturday: No plans yet
Sunday: 6pm, head to the hospital for an overnight of prostoglandins (helps to get my cervix ready for more dilation/effacement).
Monday: 6am. Start pitocin if no progress has been made. Birth baby. :) Become parents. Best day EVER!

So we'll keep you posted! Still getting contractions here and there but nothing consistent or reliable. But think contracting, labor-like thoughts for me and hopefully something will happen before Sunday...

Confessions of an Overdue Pregnant Woman (day 1)

I confess...

• My water could break right now and even though I need to repack a few things, that would be fine with me.
• Sometimes I cry b/c I'm still pregnant.
  
• I feel guilty for crying afterward b/c it means that our daughter is doing what she needs to do to be healthy when she finally gets here.
• That while it's touching that people feel bad for me being in this "condition," sometimes I get sick of hearing about how people pity me - even though I pity me, too.
• I heart hormones. Ok, not really.
  
• I'm going to miss her kicks when she's finally on the outside.
• I'm also going to miss eating like nothing has any real calories. :) BIG bonus to this predicament. :)
  
• I'm so proud of the father Adam is going to be.
• I'm petrified how the dogs (mostly Jessie) are going to react to guests at home and how I'm going to handle it b/c I have NO patience for a misbehaving dog that knows better.
• I would give quite a bit of money right now to know her birthday. I'd even throw in a bonus if you could tell me a.m. or p.m. And I DON'T mean our induction date of Monday, Oct. 19th.
• I'm trying a million home remedies to get her out. Nothing. I give. We'll try nothing tonight.
  
• I'm done with my confessions...for now.
  

DUE DATE TODAY

So today is our due date! T-minus ZeRo days! We've had more contractions today but clearly since it's 7:45pm, it's not our day today. She will not have "Friday the 13th" birthdays every 5th/6th year. That's ok with me though. I had a great day at my elementary school in Davenport. I decided that since I'm super close to being on maternity leave, I needed to take the day, not see kids, and finish up any and all last-minute paperwork and organizing for my sub there. I felt a little guilty not seeing kids, but thankfully kids don't die or become seriously injured if they miss working on their /r/ sounds, or story retells, or whatever all my crazy munchkins work on for one day. :) I got everything pretty much where I wanted it to be save for one phone call to a student's parents b/c they didn't answer and there was no answering machine. I'd call that pretty good for one day. I feel very confident leaving that school to my sub. I'm pretty confident in the high school as well...but 0-3 is another story. NOT b/c of my subs - I have all the confidence in the world in them and they might (well, are likely going to) be better than me in that area. I'm worried about my bosses thinking that I will be able to do things while I'm in labor, forcing me to split up my caseload and doing some of their job for prep, and just overall kind of "irking" me. I'm also frustrated b/c one of my teachers who's been bugging me and has since been ok...is now back at it and tried to plan my entire day tomorrow since it "seemed like I'd be there" with visits, evaluations, and paperwork. F.R.U.S.T.R.A.T.I.N.G. I sort of hope my water breaks tonight so she can stop asking me questions, stop trying to be my boss, and just have to deal with it. I'm not going to lie - they (my teachers) have it kind of good with me. I bust my @$$ for that assignment and even though I LOVE working with the little ones and their families, sometimes everything that goes with it is tough. Ok, enough dwelling on work. I will soon have a big break from it so that's exciting. :) Even if it's a little terror who doesn't let me sleep that I love more than life itself...:)

Ok, off to clean and be active and see if we can't keep some contractions going or wear my uterus out so it just starts squeezing like crazy. Right. She's been slowly active today, meaning not huge punch the mamma movements, but just gentle, momma I'm still here movements. :) I went with Julie for a looong walk - we must have made it almost 2 miles - and was pretty sore/pressure-y by the time we got back - perfect! :) We'll see what tomorrow brings. It should be a relatively easy day at work as long as all the people above leave me alone. :) If nothing else, I'll pull the P-card and crank out some hormones...within reason of course. ;-) Birthday #1, ruled out. :)

Long walk (1 day left)

Last night ended on a rough note. I had a really good cry and was just down right sad that we haven't met our little girl yet, that I'm still pregnant, and I have no idea when this is going to be over/started. I woke up kind of sad still this morning but once I got to work, my coworkers made me feel tons better (I don't think they were even trying!) but the rest of the day went much more smoothly. Well, it was busy as all get out but that was great! Made the day go very quickly. I was at work for an extra hour at the end of the day due to wishful thinking - that I wouldn't be here Tues/Wed to finish my eval write ups. Then I finally got in touch with one of my birth-3 subs and had to do a ton of prep work to get that ready since one of them is starting this Friday. Either way it was a good day at work and I was happy to come home to a pair of crazy puppies and a great husband.

I asked Adam to go for a long walk with me b/c I don't think it's wise at this point to go alone...so after a dinner of mixed veggies and GIANT bowl(s) of PB Captain Crunch, we went for a long walk in our subdivision and over to the next one - a total of about 1.5ish miles. I did pretty well and only got tired enough to slow down the last 1/8th of a mile or so. I had lots of contractions along the way but nothing out of the ordinary from my BHCs. They've kept up but nothing regular, nothing painful. I'm going to take some time on the exercise ball and see if I can't shake her out. : ) I'm glad to be having a much better night than I did last night. Although right now I'd love to have some full-fledged cheddar and sour cream ruffles...what are the chances of Adam going to get me some? Hmm...I'd say slim to none...he's not a fan of getting me any cravings. :-/ But I heart him anyway. :)

Sigh. Busy bee. No baby. (2 days)

I was having a great day! And I'm not really sad or upset or anything...but it's getting to the closing of another day and I'm still pregnant and we still haven't met our daughter. Yesterday was sort of disheartening b/c I didn't feel ANYthing going on - things were actually quieter than they had been in quite some time. This morning I woke up to quite a bit of pressure and have had that on and off all day. I also realized something in church today - we stand, then sit, then stand, then sit (repeat) a million times in one service! When it takes that much effort to do so, and your husband smiles at you with that "I have some pity for you but love the fact that you're going through this for our family," you notice it loads more. Again - totally worth it, but difficult nonetheless. People at church were very curious how much longer I had and when I told them I was due Tuesday, they seemed surprised and then said they'd think of/pray for me/us. I really like our church. Very sweet people.

On Friday when I was there for my appointment, the nurse, Abbie, seemed to think that it was a pretty sure thing that I wouldn't make it to my next appointment at the end of this coming week. Dr. Coleman said she'd not be surprised if we were in this weekend...I guess we weren't the ones to bring her in this weekend. At this point I'd like to tell them they both might be a little crazy/off but who knows.

I had a very busy day as I did tons of stuff around the house...until about 2/3pm when I tuckered out and sat with the boys after they were done splitting wood. We had chili and homemade cookies - yum! After the guys left, the Schmidt family took a nap down in the basement where it was toasty warm from the fire. Now I'm just disappointed that I haven't had any miraculous symptoms. No mucous plug to speak of. No anything. Sigh. I don't know why I'm suddenly down about all this. I know I still have "2 days" but whatever. It's time now no matter what. 2 days is nothing and things could be off and I could be overdue. Who knows. I'm just ready, I feel like she's really growing all of a sudden, and I would like to have her home. Outside of me. :) Wouldn't that be great? Here's to hoping her birthday is October 12th, 2009. *Clink!*

Snow in October? (3 days)

Yup, you read that correctly. We had snow this morning. I had no clue it was coming and while Adam was doing some things outside, I randomly checked the weather channel to see a huge band of snow coming our way literally within minutes. And unfortunately, they were right. None of the snow stuck, but we must have had light snow for at least 2-3 hours. Oct. 10th, 2009 and snow. Never thought those two would go together!

Today my friend Abbie threw out the idea of doing some walking/shopping in the Quad Cities to see if we couldn't walk this baby out...so off I went with nothing really major to buy except for some little electronic thing that Adam needed (and I didn't find). Turns out that I found some really good deals at Kohl's and ended up spending $50 and saving $150!! I LOVE those kinds of deals. :) We went to several stores and I got my first nursing tanks - 2 - and hate spending full price on things like that. But it's something I need so it must be purchased. It was hard to buy them in my "old" size b/c from this end of things, it doesn't feel like I'll ever be that size again. Abbie promised! I'm holding her to it. And I have to say that Abbie's daughter, Campbell, is one of the cutest, funniest little buttons ever. She was super fun to play with and so adaptable. Going to have to take some tips from them and other parents who have such flexible kids. :)

So the shopping really didn't do anything to get any labor going. In fact, this has been one of the quieter days in the past week or so...hmm. Calm before the storm? I don't know. Due to today's feelings or lack there of, I'm back on the idea that she's not coming any time soon and her birthday might just be Oct. 19th (when we're induced). Still no mucous plug, spotting, nothing. So we'll just take it one day at a time and hope things continue to progress. But now it's time to kick off my shoes (which I got on, along with socks, all by myself - so proud) and lie down for a while. The house could use a little attention, but I can do that later when I'm making chili for those who come to help out Adam with wood splitting. My job might be to run the lever though so we'll see. :)

Big Day - FOUR days left!

I know, it doesn't make sense, does it? Yesterday we had 7 days left...today 4? Yup! I had my 39-week doctor's appointment today and it was GREAT! Here are the highlights of today - they're gooooood:

• My due date, as you know, is October 15th. Weeellll, it turns out that it's really October 13th! We started out on the 15th but somewhere in the measurements/ultrasounds, Dr. Coleman switched it to Oct. 13th and in all my confusion I didn't really get it although looking back, I'm pretty sure she told me this a while ago. So instead of changing weeks on Thursdays, we're changing weeks on Tuesdays...and I'm that much closer to 40 weeks!! We have induction scheduled for Monday, Oct. 19th, but we're all pretty sure that we're not going to make it that long. :)
• Last week I was 70% effaced. I am now 80% effaced. Woo hoo for progress!
  
• Last week I was 0cm dilated. I am now 2cm dilated! Only 8 more to go...how hard can that be? These first two were so easy...AH HA HA HA HA HA, obviously I'm kidding. Just a little positive thinking...
• The baby does not like it when Dr. Coleman pokes her head. She kicks pretty hard then but I'm not concentrating on her during those moments, to be honest.

So that's where we're at. Dr. Coleman didn't seem like she'd be surprised if the baby came this weekend. I'm willing to bet it might be early next week if it isn't this weekend. We just got back from stopping at a few stores and I had some serious slow times of walking b/c things were so "twingy" real low. I wonder if that means more dilation? Who knows...all I know is that I'm feeling rather peaceful at the moment and am not so sure I'm going to get that burst of energy before she gets here. I don't really mind or care...we are just very excited and happy that it will be sooner rather than later...Oh! I had a dream two nights ago that I'd had her and was nursing her. She was so tiny and had just a medium amount of darkish hair. I switched sides and actually felt like I knew what I was doing. She was beautiful. I wonder if she's going to look anything like that when she gets here. (smiling mommy-to-be)

Drop Much? 39 weeks, 7 days left!

Here we are, one week to go!! Theoretically speaking, of course. It could really be 2 weeks to be honest unless I can convince my amazing doctor otherwise. Which just might be possible b/c she is THAT cool. :) I also have to say I can't WAIT for my doctor's appointment tomorrow morning at 11:30am and while I would never have guessed I was so excited to be "checked" in my life, I can't wait to be checked!! Hopefully she'll have some sort of progress to report to me, especially after all the "twinginess" I had this week. The picture below is my 38-week picture from last week...compare to the picture below it from THIS week (39 weeks)...and you tell me if I've/she's dropped...I was quite impressed with how much I think these pictures are different but that's just me...although others have told me the same thing. I'm pretty excited about it for what it HOPEFULLY means...

38 weeks

39 weeks

Some other noteworthy things from today - I could NOT get full. I ate any and everything I could get my hands on for lunch. And didn't hurt at ALL like I usually do nowadays when I overeat. I was still super hungry when I got home for dinner and since I had to wait until Adam got home, I dove into some spicy salsa and chips - SO good...but then the baby went NUTS! She was wiggling so much Adam was quite impressed with her movement. Crazy little monkey...but now I'm finally full and might have even overdone it just a teeny bit. The only problem with all this is that tomorrow I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit my "oh hell no" number when I step on the scale. The thought of it scares the shit out of me, actually. I promised myself I would never in my life get over this number and it was very realistic as long as I was only ever pregnant with one baby and not twins. Sigh. There's nothing that can be done about it now. I don't know if I even want to know. I am not going to think about it anymore or Adam is going to come home from his softball games to a blubbering, hormonal mess...sigh.

My BHCs (braxton hicks contractions) are getting more symmetrical, more intense, but unfortunately, not really painful or anything. So for now, we're calling them BHCs and not real ones. Sigh.

Another mentionable...Adam's been losing sleep lately. No, he's not worried about the baby or me. No, he's not thinking about work. He's definitely not thinking about really anything else...but what he IS doing is playing with the baby while I'm sleeping!!! At first I thought this was cute, but now I'm wondering if he's keeping her up late if she's going to keep this routine once she gets here...I wonder if I need to scold them to go to sleep and quit playing so we can all sleep later when she FINALLY gets here. :) (although secretly I think it's one of the most adorable things I've ever heard of in my whole life - she kicks him and wiggles all over while he pokes her back...I love that.)

And for my final noteworthy tidbit - I still have my belly button! Ha! It's a little flat...ok VERY flat, but hey! It's still flat/in so there. :) And that's all I have to say about that.

Let's all hope and pray this little monkey decides to make her appearance without help and on time. We really just can't wait to meet her!!! :)

Twingy evening (8 days)

Tonight has been a good night thus far. But still no baby. No s/s (signs/symptoms) that she's thinking about coming...except I've been rather "twingy" in some areas although now that I think about it, it's subsided a bit in the past few hours. Maybe it's a sign that I'm dilating? Wouldn't that be great? Who knows...we'll find out in a day and a half when I have my next doctor appointment. It was increasing from mid-late afternoon until I got up and started doing things around the house for a while. I've also learned that vacuuming (which Adam has done the past two weeks) is much harder and takes much longer to do when you're almost 39 weeks pregnant. But damn do my floors look good. :) We also took the time to cut Adam's hair so he should be set for the next month or so and still look good for his first daddy/daughter/family pictures. :)

That's all I have for tonight I think...I'm tired and I think it's time I just lie down. I haven't done that all week really and it's just time. Thank you, and good night. :)

So Saturday, I believe, I felt bad and cried b/c I want this baby out so badly. Tonight I cried for a good 15 minutes b/c she was gently kicking and moving around in my belly and I think I'm really going to miss that sometimes...although I'll find other things to miss, I'm sure......the anticipation is going to get the best of me I think. I heart our daughter. I heart her so much. :)

Quite the funk today (9 days left)

I woke up today and it was SUPER dreary outside as it was where most of you reading this likely experienced. Then I just didn't feel like going to work this morning but had to so I have enough PTO to make my leave as long as I want and still have some left over for appointments or sick days depending on what the monkey and I do in terms of health. By the time I got to work I was in quite the funk and convinced I'm going to be pregnant forever, I'm going to have to be induced b/c she's going to stay in there forever, and it's just going to be an endless wait until this monkey gets here. Thankfully I have wonderful coworkers who worked their best to convince me otherwise (and did well) and along with that I was able to get a ton of paperwork done before kids arrived for the day b/c my sped meeting didn't have any speech concerns so my presence was not required. :) By the time lunch arrived, I was in much better shape.

One of the topics that had me concerned today is the pull/tug I'm experiencing about how visitors (mostly people/family from out of town since they will be here for a few days at a time) are going to work once the baby is here and we're home. While I want everyone to meet the baby and have the opportunity to hold her, etc., I'm torn with how it will all work. I'll leave it at that. After some discussion with Adam (which we really need to do more of on this yet), I think we are going to have a handle on it...I think. It's not that I/we don't want visitors - we really do! I'm just a little worried about how starting the baby's routine will work during that first week if she doesn't have a chance to get a handle on one. Hopefully this doesn't sound like we don't want visitors. That's completely not the case. We actually can't wait for people to see/meet her. But I'm pretty sure other moms AND dads know what I'm talking about. I also need to remember that almost EVERYone else has done this, have had more visitors than we could even imagine, and their children turned out just fine. So we'll be ok with visitors and can't wait to see the looks on family & friends' faces when they meet our little...oh! Thought I was going to write her name, didn't you?!? :) Soon, ladies and gents, soon. Thanks for letting me think on paper...well, screen.

I am feeling much better since my morning funk (which had MUCH more to do with being huge/pregnant and us meeting our baby than it did with the visitors question) and wish these BHCs would get more intense (although they make me walk slower now b/c otherwise I'll pee my pants half the time) and painful and turn into real contractions. :) Today I was a little "twingy" which could mean things are progressing or nothing new is happening. I'm going to go with the imagery idea and envision things progressing. :) I'm also planning to stay super active (or as active as I can) so hopefully that will help. :) I'm stressed now that people will be hesitant to come visit so I'm almost ready to go back and delete that whole paragraph...but I think I made it clear that we want visitors and are excited for them. So we're clear then? Come visit.....?

Calm before the storm? (10 days)

Today was a rather quiet day on the baby front which was entirely expected after the past few days' antics. ESPECIALLY after last night when this little monkey was moving around SO much that Adam could have seen her from across the house and through the walls. Ok, or maybe just from across the room. :) Still!! It was crazy! But today I'm pretty sure she's been sitting in a different spot which is fine with us b/c she's been quiet and it doesn't feel too weird to me. I think it's just her usual "wrong" spot with her back to the right and limbs to the left...yup, just felt for her and she gave me a mighty kick on the left. For some reason though, we're both ok with it.

As for work, I'm still working on getting things "set" for my subs. The reality of things is that I will never be ready for them to take over and I've come to terms with that. A few weeks ago if you'd have asked me if I was ready for this baby to come, I'd have said an emphatic "No! I have too much work to do yet!!" Now, however, I have had my change of heart and am ready to let someone else take over if need be. I still have several evals to do for birth-3, but since they keep coming and never get under 4 to do at any given time, it's inevidable that I won't get to them all. Ah, and that's ok. My IEPs are pretty well done for Wilson. My IEPs for the high school are ok for the most part. We shall see. I'm getting more excited each day to meet this munchkin and the urgency of prep for work is diminishing as I get more done.

She must have read what I wrote about her being quiet today as she's awake now and starting to get wiggly. Maybe it was that little box of Nerds I ate 15 minutes ago...a weakness, preggo or not...

Woah. (11 days)

Today has been one of the most productive days for a longer length of time than I had envisioned. Here's the low down of what I all accomplished today in terms of food prep for when the littlest Schmidt arrives:

• A double batch of Chili: Adam ate one serving and the rest is frozen in 2 dinner helpings and 2 individual servings. And it was good. :)
• Chicken Enchiladas: 2 packages of smaller dinner-sized portions. There was just enough of all the ingredients left over to make myself a giant one for lunch - which was super scrumptious. It may have even had extra cheese. :)
  
• Lasagna: I only made one big one b/c I forgot to get ingredients enough to make 2. Looked good, but nobody tasted that one.
  
• Chicken Pot Pie: also made a double batch of this one. I made it and then realized that I didn't quite follow the recipe - it was supposed to be made into little ones but I just made big ones and don't necessarily know how long to cook them...so we'll just wing it when the time comes.
  
• Apple Crisp Pie: This was not for freezing, this one's for NOW! :) It's cooling as we speak and even though I'm super full from Olive Garden for dinner, I still plan to have at least a little slice with vanilla ice cream. YUM. Better get it in now while it's ok to gain.
  

On another note, this is where the real WOAH comes in, this little monster child has done some crazy acrobatics today. We went out for dinner with Jason and Julie to Olive Garden and while we were there waiting for our table, the baby became rather active. Once we got to the table, she was suddenly doing kickboxing moves and her usual antics from the past few days again. Then we ordered and next thing I know I can hardly concentrate on the conversation at the table b/c she's moving SO much. By the time dinner was over, she'd completely done a 180 degree turn and continued her acrobatics b/c now she has new things to play with and figure out how to get back to where we like to roll - back/butt on the left, limbs on the right. We leave for home and suddenly she's going CRAZY with movement trying to get back to where she was. Almost to the point where I feel like I'm going to pee my pants in the back of Jason's truck. And I went immediately prior to leaving Olive Garden! Thankfully we stopped to get gas so I could walk around, shake her up, and go to the bathroom again...and I was able to ride the rest of the way home with some shred of certainty that I wasn't going to pee in the truck. Whew! So I made the apple pie when I got home and finally sat down for the night...and she went to town again. Adam could see her from around the room and came over to feel her...and I'm pretty sure she is finally back to where we like. Hopefully. All I know is she's quieter now and I'm glad about that...no more sea-sickness. :)

A day of cooking (11 days)

Adam is currently on his last golf outing with the boys this morning while I'm at home corralling the dogs and getting ready to make frozen dinners for when our little acrobat gets here. I'm pretty excited to have that stuff in the freezer - the plan is to make chili, chicken enchiladas, lasagna, and chicken pot pie...we'll see how long my feet last as to whether or not I get to them all. Adam also requested I make my apple crisp pie and since that sounds like the next best thing to heaven to me, that is also in the plans. :) That's not so hard though (unless I make homemade crust...mmm) so that shouldn't be a problem. Pretty excited...

So last night I had a minor meltdown about the length of this pregnancy and the monkey wreaking havoc in my belly. I was trying to get comfy on the couch b/c I was tired and it just wasn't happening. I tried the pillow under my belly - our usual comfy position - and it wasn't working. I tried pulling it out a little, and it was too far. Tried pushing it back in...too far again. Lifting myself up to move the pillow - ow. The entire time, she was kicking and moving and kicking all in the same area that she had been torturing all day Saturday as well as Friday and I finally just (mildly) lost it. I cried a little and told Adam that while I feel rather guilty for feeling this way, a teeny part of me is soooooooo eager to have this baby so I can have my body back (save for breastfeeding, of course). So I can go about my day without having to push limbs and rears back into my stomach after they're poking out so that it doesn't hurt so much. So I can roll over, lie on the couch, exist even without having to put forth a freak-ton of effort or be sore during any of those activities. My amazing husband reassured me that I shouldn't feel bad for feeling that way and that it will be alright. So then we come to this morning and I couldn't wait to feel her tiny little body wiggling around and waking up in my belly and when she did, I couldn't help but smile and gently rub her through my belly. I guess it was just one of those moments last night where most, if not all, women finally get to at the end of their pregnancies when they are just READY to have their baby right there to hold, see, hear...and be a mommy to a beautiful little baby.

Yesterday was the day we became officially packed and ready to go. Adam installed the car seat in the Highlander, my bags were packed as far as they could be, and all that needs to be done is for Adam to throw a few things in the bag and we're set. Since he can leave the hospital, chances are pretty good that we'd be ready to go if we need to grab bags and run - which likely won't be the case as it is in movies. All we need is a baby that's ready to come out!

On a sidenote - we're having some issues with our usually very well-behaved older dog (she's almost 3) who has suddenly decided that if she sees a squirrel past her electronic fence, that she will likely just go for it and break through the fence to try to get it. What?!?! Our well-behaved Maddie?? It's been baffling but it happened again yesterday while Adam was home so I was glad he could see that I wasn't nuts and she really was being so bad. Let's keep our fingers crossed that all the squirrels in our Rolling Acres subdivision go to a different street to live and stop tempting our naughty dog...riiiiggghhhhhtt....

Pampered Mommy Day (12 days)

Today was a great Saturday - one of the best on record, actually - as it was "Pampered Mommy" morning here in Muscatine. My bff from back home, Steph, sent me a prenatal massage from my salon I now go to here in Muscatine and I figured I best use it sooner rather than later or it wouldn't be a prenatal massage and would just be a regular one in case the baby came a little early. So I booked my appt and was all set to go. Then I realized I had acquired another gift certificate from another close friend, Julie, who's wedding was last weekend, and I decided that if they had an opening after my massage that I'd get my feet taken care of too. Sure enough, they had an opening for a pedicure and I was in. It was a GREAT 2.5 hours or so and I left feeling much more relaxed and just overall better. :) It was perfect timing too b/c the last two nights my hips have been acting up again (typically happens a few nights out of a week) so my masseuse was able to take good care of those sore spots. Sigh. Coolest. Friends. Ever. :) Then we had McDonalds...oops. :)

We don't have any other plans that will take us out of the house today which is just what the doctor ordered. I'm looking forward to spending the day with Adam and the dogs, relaxing, FINISHING packing (I mean it this time), and doing some light cleaning around the house. Movie night in front of a fire? Might just be in the cards...yup, I think so. :)

38 week doctor appt (13 days)

Today was my 38-week doctor's appointment and it turns out (as I knew all along) that I DO have the coolest doctor ever and she checked me to see my progress when I asked. :) I was very happy to hear that I am now 70% effaced but was sad to hear that I have not dilated at all. Boo. But I suppose 1st-timers need to efface before they dilate usually (or so I've been told) so at least there's forward movement...but if we go 10% each week like we have the past 2 weeks, she's going to be very late!! Or so one would think. There's really no rhyme and reason to this part...which is why it's hard for my & Adam's linear thinking brains to wait for something we know could happen any time or need help happening if we run too late. Sigh. We're just SO excited!!

And a quick note to the baby:

Dear Baby,

Please stop pushing your foot out of my right side. It's not going to get you out of your tight little predicament any faster. In fact, all it's going to do is earn you a big poke back and an "ow" from your momma. If, by chance, you push hard enough (which you've been doing your best at today) to give me a stretch mark right on that same spot you keep poking, I might have to pay you back some day in a respectable mommy/daughter fashion that you might not like. In conclusion, PLEASE STOP!! (even though it means your moving, healthy, and doing ok which is something we want and pray for daily). The end.

Love, your mommy.

38 weeks (14 days left)

We are 14 days away from our due date. Can you believe that? 38 weeks today. I don't feel much different - like anything is going to happen soon - but who knows. I have my 38-week doctor's appointment tomorrow and while Dr. Coleman said that she'd check for dialation/effacement at 39 weeks...but I really don't feel like waiting. :) So we'll ask and see what she says.

We're also interviewing a pediatrician tomorrow right before my doctor's appointment. We're aware that this is very late in a pregnancy to be figuring this out, but it turns out the one I had picked out is not taking patients at this time. So hopefully that will get figured out and she'll have a pediatrician before she gets here. :)


I went to a class tonight to learn how to use our rockin' Nikon D40 camera we bought a while ago to take great pictures of the newest Schmidt once she gets here. It was a good class...sparked some good conversation between the 4 of us that sort of went together...but I think I learned more from those 3 other women than I did from the guy presenting the class. But now I know how to make my pictures bluer or redder, take rapid pictures, and some other things I don't want to list now b/c it's late.


I suppose...I'm going to go to bed and likely Adam and the baby will stay up and play. Apparently I protest these antics between the two of them (moaning and telling them to leave me alone) but I'm too tired to wake up all the way and really make them sleep. G'night! Who knows what tomorrow will bring...