Christmas 2009

I think this is the longest I've gone without posting since starting this blog! That will happen when you go home to WI with an infant, 2 dogs, and a husband for 9 days. It was a great 9 days with a few "Morgan bumps" here and there but we made it safely to and from WI. A shout out MUST go to whoever invented luggage racks and giant waterproof duffle bags to store luggage in on top of the vehicle or we never would have made it. Oh, and thank God for breast pumps too, or our trips would have been at least 1-1.5 hours longer than they were.

We left Saturday the 19th and made it to my dad's house in WI at a decent hour. I had not heard/read of snow so when we hit Fon du Lac and ran into some, I was a little worried but for no real reason. After that, it was a whirlwind of visiting family, keeping Morgan calm in chaos (MUCH easier said than done), and enjoying being home. Morgan had a few hours here and there where she was really fussy and at times inconsolable, but usually it was due to loudness levels and lack of a decent nap for days on end. We finally got into a routine of sorts where she could get some sleep and she fared much better.

We have so many things to be thankful for this year. We were blessed with many wonderful presents and had a great time watching everyone open gifts from us (even though they might not have been my most creative as usual as it was a bit trickier Christmas shopping this year...). We are blessed to have our daughter, who is the most beautiful thing we've ever seen even when she's fussy beyond our wildest imaginations (like tonight, for example). We're healthy, we have good jobs that really aren't in jeapordy (or that we should be worried about), our families are doing well...the list could go on forever.

Now that we're home, we're working on unpacking and getting back into the routine of things...before I go back to work. I am 90% sure I start back on January 4th but time slipped by and it might actually be January 11th. I need to get in touch with my HR rep to make sure that when they said I'd be due back January 11th that they left me at least 5 vacations days for a wedding and cushion in case I/Morgan gets sick or when she has doctor visits. It really started to sink in on the ride home yesterday that I have to leave her next Monday (I'm preparing for the 4th so I'm not completely crushed when that's right). I have a feeling I might be a bit on the sad side the further this week gets and I can't believe Monday's over already. At this point next week I will likely have a full day of work in. What's going to happen when the sitter doesn't know what makes her smile? What's going to happen if Morgan won't sleep and the sitter is busy and can't get to her when she cries...? It might kill me just a bit thinking about her being with someone else for almost 9 hours a day...I hate it. And on that note I'm going to bed. I'll wallow in self pity some more later.

BIG update, go get your reading glasses...

It feels like SO much has happened since I last posted Sunday (I think it was Sunday but am too lazy to go back and look right now). I really should be doing such things as showering, wrapping presents, making/finishing packing lists...but I am getting really bogged down with cool things to post about so here goes! I'll try to keep them semi-brief for your sanity but also b/c who knows when the little bear is going to wake up from her nap...

Ode to the Shower Curtain - On Tuesday I was able to take the longest shower ever b/c Morgan was ENTRANCED with the sparse dark pink/purple flowers she watched on the shower curtain while in her bouncy chair. She could have cared less about the animals bouncing in front of her (she loves her friends) or me when I peeked out to see how she was doing. I even heard her "talk" to them a few times. Thank you, oh great shower curtain. :) (Or maybe the fact that light on dark - or vice versa - is her favorite right now).

Morgan...has found her fists!! And in a reliable manner! This first happened Tuesday and has quickly become her favorite thing to do especially to calm herself (ahh...angels singing). It used to be that she'd get a quick "taste" of her hand and then her poor little uncoordinated body would send her hand flying away from her mouth, usually to come back just as quickly and whack herself in the face. (I shouldn't laugh...but it's sort of funny sometimes.) The other night I was excited to go back to bed after a feeding and tell Adam that our little Houdini baby had managed to get her LEFT (he wants her to bat lefthanded) hand had somehow gotten out of her very snug swaddle and she was sucking on it when I went to get her. So excited for her! She's been working on this one for a while. :)

Head control - Morgan has significantly improved her head control. That's not to say there arent' still the few head butts we get in now and then, but she loves to be held over your shoulder while looking around at whatever's behind you. We're working on her looking in the mirror while doing that so she can get to know herself a little bit. :) It's amazing how strong she's gotten in the past week or so in this area. Also, her leg and arm muscles are getting stronger and faster. Sometimes when I lay her down to be changed, I just let her go for a bit b/c she kicks so hard she could probably swim two laps in the pool if I plunked her in the water. Speaking of, I need to find out about baby swimming lessons for this summer...

Morgan had a cold and I would say is on the tail end of it. Adam has a worse cold and it *just* over the hump of it. So now it's my turn. I hope I have it somewhere in between b/c Adam's was brutal and unlike Morgan (who requires suction), I can blow my own nose which isn't a big deal. :) Fingers crossed!!

Morgan continues her quest to "talk" more and catch up to the amount of talking her mommy does. She's definitely got a ways to go there. ;-) She takes little conversational turns sometimes where we'll say something and she'll go "ahh!" or do some cute little noise back and forth up to 4x (that's her PR (personal record), anyway). Once in a great while she'll make the /m/ sound to me while she's eating and I'm talking to her. That just cracks me right up. Silly baby.

Sleeping - So for 3 glorious nights, Morgan got up ONCE each night. I am convinced it had everything to do with her cold as the past 2 nights she's been up her normal midnight hour, 4am hour, and then again sometime around 6am. Thankfully this morning I was able to replace her nuk, rock her carseat (which she's sleeping in for her congestion), and she went back to sleep for about 45 minutes. For some reason that 30 minutes of sleep I then got was enough to put me on the good side. :) Sidenote - I know it's bad and we won't keep it up, but a huge part of me wants to keep Morgan sleeping in her carseat b/c she falls back to sleep after nursing SO much faster. As in 2-4 minutes and I'm back in bed. Sigh. Once Adam's cold is over and she's sleeping flat in her crib (instead of in her carseat in her crib), he can help out with that again. :)

This weekend after Adam's class on Saturday, we are heading back to WI from the 19th until the 26/27th. We haven't pinned down a final date of departure yet. I'm really getting excited for it and everytime the stupid Kay Jewelers commercial comes on where the mom is rocking the baby to sleep and it's 2am (you know the one) and the dad says "It's her first Christmas" or we're all a family for Christmas, I (almost) cry. I look at her and am just so happy we have her. I can't believe how different Christmas will be this year in such a rewarding way. She's truly our shining little star and our lives now revolve around her the way good parents do it. This morning she was SO cute as she was between sides while nursing when Adam was heading out to work...but stopped long enough to give him a few coos and goos, a couple of BIG smiles, and just so much baby love. She's generally pretty happy lately, however, she almost never shows this when we go to others' houses to socialize. I hope that changes over this coming Christmas week, but we shall see.

I know there's so much more but I have to go do a million other things so that next time she naps, I get to as well. ;-) I rarely do this but see the need when I've got a cold coming on like this or if I miss out on too much sleep b/c then I'm no good for her in the coming hours/days. I will post pictures soon too...hopefully. Otherwise there might be a lapse until we get back from Christmas. :) If I don't get back to this by then (which I doubt, we have down time built into the week for Morgan and with so many eager people to hold her, I'm guessing I'll have some free hands here and there), have a MERRY CHRISTMAS and be safe. Much love to all!!

A more interesting nursing session...among other things

FYI: If you don't like reading about breastfeeding (Ross), don't read the first two paragraphs. :)

So tonight I get up and look at the clock and almost fall out of bed as it's 2:38am and Morgan hasn't been up once yet. I laid back down and then started getting scared that she wasn't breathing b/c I think she's just starting to get a cold (poor thing). So I tiptoed upstairs to check and sure enough, she's fine. I refilled her humidifier b/c if she has a cold she needs it quite badly, and crept out and back to bed. Then I lie there awake wondering if I should go pump or see how long she goes until I just need to nurse her. Question answered 15 minutes later when she was up. At least she had a big grin on her congested little face which is always great to see, but especially at 3am. :)

So it had been 6.5 hours since I had last nursed Morgan so we made sure the latch was quick to minimize a mess. It worked well and she started eating. Then she took a little break about 10 minutes later and I felt my arm getting wet...and got nervous that she was spitting up. So I quickly sit her up to catch the mess and make it easier for her to get it out...only to see the poor little girl wagging her head back and forth...to avoid the milk SPRAY. I was actually spraying milk. I didn't think I'd have enough to do that ever, much less after she'd been eating for a while! So we made a few quick changes and she was cleaned up and eating again. I felt so bad but I couldn't help but laugh at the poor thing...(wrote this at 4am Sunday morning while pumping since she only ate on one side - shocker, the kid always takes both.)

(9am Sunday morning) Now I digress. Morgan and I went shopping yesterday and since last weekend was such a disaster with her screaming our way through the mall and being so upset by the time we got to the car that she couldn't latch on...so I brought a bottle of milk along this time thinking it would be a million times better...and I was right. :) I love it when that happens most times. We went to two places and then at Target she started to fuss so we hung out in the little "dining area" for her to eat...and I figured I had too much in her bottle of 4oz, but the hungry little bear drank the WHOLE thing! The reason I'm surprised by her taking 4oz is b/c this week when I've pumped I've gotten a total of 1.5oz out of BOTH sides combined which makes me worried about how much milk she's getting. Clearly she's getting enough b/c she's growing like a weed and has the appropriate number of wet diapers. I'm hoping it was b/c I didn't drink enough this week as to my lower supply and not that my body doesn't respond well to pumping. That could pose a problem when I go back to work...but we'll cross that bridge when the time comes. Last night I only pumped 2oz out of my left side after almost 7 hours of not feeding/pumping. I was kind of sad as I thought it should have been a lot more (and felt like a lot more, too). Sigh.

So it's official. Poor little Morgan has a cold. She was only up the one time last night which is highly uncharacteristic of her. She's rather congested nasally which results in lots of boogers (which she doesn't like sucked out until it's done, then she's happy she can sort of breathe again), sneezing, and coughing. Thankfully her coughing is dry or I'd be super worried about her lungs. I had the H1N1 shot about 5 days before she was born but I don't know if she got enough of what she needed as I thought it took 10 days to really kick in. I received some great advice from some friends so we'll go with that (sleeping at an incline, vaporizer - which is on every night anyway, suction, etc.). She's sleeping more too so hopefully that will help her little body heal. I hope she's feeling better before we travel on Saturday to WI.

Ok, off to get some things done while she's sleeping. I'm DEFINITELY taking a nap with her at some point today. Adam doesn't feel well at all either as his throat is really sore and I think he's a bit congested too, although he's still out in the cold hunting. I'm a little nasally congested but nothing like Morgan. Lots of kleenex and suction at the Schmidt household this week along with crazy packing and some magic from Adam to make it all fit in the Highlander. He's quite good at this so I'm only moderately worried instead of all out freaking out. :) Feel free to say a little prayer that our peanut feels better...I know I am.

Shout out to single parents

How do you single parents do it? I could see if you had some help from family or something, but when you're on your own, how do you do it? Especially with an infant (is she still considered a newborn?)...?

Last night was probably in the top 3 for awful nights for Morgan. Likely it wouldn't have been as bad if A) Adam had been here (he's traveling home from Montreal today) and B) my fatigue wouldn't have clouded my patience. Every time I had her asleep, I'd go to put her down and she'd wake up for all sorts of reasons, not just the ones I asked others about on FB yesterday (who gave me great advice!). It wouldn't have been so bad...but she got up at her normal time of around midnight but instead of going back to sleep, she stayed up long enough for another feeding. Then she was up again at her normal time (5ish) for another feeding despite the extra feeding she had earlier (WTH?). Thankfully she went right down after that feeding. But then I heard her again at 6:40am and since I was all tired and out of it I didn't look at the timer to realize, until AFTER I started feeding her again that I should have tried the nuk first since she had just went to sleep 38 minutes prior. So instead of her usual 2x getting up last night, she was up (in the same amount of time) for 4 feedings. F.O.U.R.

I'm mad. I'm mad and it's stupid but I'm still mad. I'm mad (it's actually jealous) that Adam gets to sleep as long as he wanted to (well, within work limits) all week. I'm mad that he gets to go hunting all weekend and I'm still in charge of the baby. All of these things are compounded by my fatigue, but still, it's how I'm feeling at the moment. I wouldn't want to trade Adam this week b/c I don't know how on earth I'd be away from her for 5 days. It would be impossible and I'd be a mess. But wow, this fatigue is killer. I also realize it didn't help this week that we went almost nowhere b/c of the snowstorm and we saw other adults (outside of a Walmart trip Mon/Tues) for a total of 2 hours this week. I don't even know if we're going to make it to my work luncheon today so she can meet everyone. Right now it's almost 9am and she's sleeping...which makes me think I should put the dogs away and nap right along with her. But if we're going to go, I need to shower now instead. Sigh. What to do.

Off I go to decide. This post is dedicated to all you single parents out there as you are heroes.

Morgan's first snow (and some other firsts if I haven't mentioned them already)

We have some firsts to report! And then I added some pictures at the end for fun since we've had daily photo shoots to send Adam pictures as he's in Toronto & Montreal this week. Along with some of the firsts I'm adding in some other highlights our little Morgan enjoys. I think I've done one post before while nursing Morgan, and we're doing it again! Ultimate multitasking. :) Although now that I'm rereading this, this post has taken me all day as I work on it, run off to tend Morgan...rinse, repeat. Throw tired in there too. :)

• Hand/eye coordination - This week the baby update said that Morgan should start batting at items that are close enough for her to reach. I would say she *might* be doing this. I took video of it for Adam at the beginning of the week but it's relatively hard to tell if she's doing this on purpose or just flailing her arms around and accidentally hitting the dangling toys. I honestly think she's got some purposeful movement...emphasis on SOME as she still hits herself in the face when just hanging out. :-/ Either way, I think she's on her way...just nothing consistent yet. :) If I could ever figure out how to download and then post video, I'd show you. This is a frustrating first that I'm still waiting on for me.
  
• Morgan made it through her first big snowstorm with no problem. It was too cold and obviously Morgan is just a wee bit tiny to go out in that sort of weather, so we took pictures from the inside out (see below) and that worked well. Can't wait until next year when we can go out and play in it...woah, it's crazy to think she might/should be able to walk in that first snow of the season (provided it isn't crazy and in October or something).
• Something new - At the end of last week and this whole week, Morgan has had issues going back to sleep after her overnight feedings. She is out COLD when done nursing and then I put her in the crib...and she wiggles herself awake. This is new; she wasn't doing this before and she usually only does it for one of her two feedings each night. I've got some awesome ideas to try from some friends on FB so hopefully tonight will go a bit better. It was fine in the beginning of the week, but now that I've had to be up with her every time every night with Adam in Canada, I'm getting pretty tired now. Which makes me think I should be napping while she's sleeping at the moment...
• Two nights ago, on her second feeding at 4am, I put Morgan down after nursing and she went right to sleep. I heard her grunting and things here and there but that's normal so I wasn't worried since she didn't wake up. I go up to get her in the morning around 8am and I had to do a double take b/c I swear someone had broken into my house and was playing a trick on me. Note - she was still swaddled as she had been all night. I had to stop and stare at her...because she had somehow made a COMPLETE 180 degree turn in her crib. Her head and feet had switched spots so perfectly that I was dumbfounded. Babies can do that??? Apparently my little monkey can! A friend told me her little one did that too, so I wasn't too worried that I had an alien child on my hands. Then I really freaked out b/c what if she had gotten stuck against her crib bumper and couldn't breathe?! I'm guessing, judging by her movements, that she would have gotten up and walked to the other side of her crib - still swaddled. :)
  
• Morgan loves the grandfather clock in our upstairs living room. And by love, I mean looooooooooooooove the clock. When she's done playing with us and needs a break, or when she's nursing, or just random times, we find Morgan staring at the clock. Or the curtains. Or anything that seems to be red or a dark color on a light background. We pick on her and speak for her saying "I love you cloooooooooock." She's not phased but we laugh. Silly baby.
  
• Mommy update - I swear my body saw me write about my almost being done with the nipple shield and I instantly became super sore and had to start using it again regularly. I started weaning off again yesterday and it's going well. Still using it here and there. Fingers crossed but I'm not worried. :)

Alright I think that's enough for now. Sorry it's so incredibly long! The thing is, now that I'm ready to go lie down for a bit, the baby will wake up. That's ok though b/c it makes me nervous for her to be sleeping right now...but do I wake her? We'll make a game day decision...oh wait that's today. I'll let you know how it goes. :-/

Sitting in this recliner is NOT as easy as it looks! Ahh, timber!!!

Hmm...suck on hand during tummy time or lift head and build neck muscles...?
I pick hand. Tasty.

Morgan's first big snow! (Note Maddie in the background enjoying it)

Doesn't she look a like a little walrus here? This was after her bath Tuesday night and some serious screaming...(screaming came after the bath, bath was good!)

There's a baby in there somewhere...

Seriously, Mom, enough with the pictures!!!!

The Goodbye Post

Warning: This post may be a bit of a downer, but I feel like I have to say goodbye to some things. Saturday night and much of Sunday morning was hard for me as it finally hit me as to all of the things I have said or need to say goodbye to. Some of them are temporary, some of them are forever, but all of them were/are hard at the time. These things were to be expected but are still hard when they finally get here. The positive which reins above all of these things are that I have a daughter who is the sweetest thing I could ever hope for in my life, that I'm healthy, and we have a really great life. So here goes...

• Goodbye independent person and hello to being super depended ON. And not just emotionally...for EVERYTHING.
• Goodbye (here's a temporary one) to being gone from my house alone or alone in general for more than one hour due to Morgan needing to usually be fed every other hour. This one is hopefully more temporary than it currently seems...But if one is going to be an exclusive breastfeeder (EBF) then this is how it will need to go. I could have Adam just thaw some frozen milk, but I'm uber protective of it and won't do it yet for fear that Morgan will need it in January when she goes to the sitter's.
• Goodbye beautiful cute bikinis. And not even just b/c I still feel "fat" now (I think I'm about +15lbs but haven't weighed myself in a while)...it's b/c of my stretch marks. I haven't mentioned them until now but they're there. I managed to stave them off until week 37, when I woke up one Saturday morning (September 26th, to be exact) on Jason & Julie's wedding, to find stretch marks starting and continuing across my lower stomach. They are more numerous on the left side for some odd reason. There are some dark ones in the middle. But either way, sad sad me will be saying goodbye to all of those cute little bikinis this next summer and be looking for some cute one pieces until I get my "mommy makeover" someday when we're done having babies.
  
• Goodbye (this BETTER be temporary) sleeping for more than 4 hours. I wonder what I would feel like if I actually got more than 4-5 hours. I might be able to lift a small car or something. :)
  
• Goodbye to being lonely for my own child. Goodbye to wondering what it's like to have a child growing inside me. Goodbye to yearning to be a mother. This is the best part of my goodbyes. That's why all the other goodbyes are so worth this goodbye. While I'm still overwhelmed at times with our little bear, I look forward to the day when we give her a brother or sister. Or two. Who knows.
  

So goodbye selfish things that I grew so accustomed to my whole life until now. May all these goodbyes help me to be a good mother and raise Morgan to be the beautiful woman I envision her being. But speaking of the bear, it's time for her to get jammies on, last feeding done, and off to bed. :)

Hurdle finally cleared!

I have to write this real fast and I'm so proud of myself...I'm 95% weaned from using the nipple shield when nursing Morgan!! I'm all healed and only use it once in a while if it hurts a ton or if she eats really close together. I'm so excited that if I need to nurse her somewhere, I don't have to have that damn shield along anymore. Ahh! (angels singing)

Also, today I decided that I should try this ADORABLE pink corduroy outfit with a tiny bear on it on her to see if it fit. It was a 3 month outfit. I spent waaayyyy too much on it but it was so cute that there was NO way I was going to pass it up. So I get it on her (while she's screaming b/c that's how we roll if you've got to put something over her head 3x) and come to find that the snaps around the bottom of her legs/diaper JUST make it! :-( Don't get me wrong, she looks SUPER cute but it's not even a little big on her. It fits her just right now. Which means she's going to outgrow it in about a week. :-( So sad. But so cute. Very bittersweet.

One more thing - I'm so sad but I have not put up a single Christmas decoration yet and it's killing me just a little bit inside. All the decorations are up above the garage and I need Adam to get them down. If I can't even hardly find time to cut his hair, how am I supposed to find time to put up any of my trees or other decorations? I feel a little like I'm jipping Morgan of her first Christmas here at home even though clearly she's WAY too little to even comprehend the idea of the season. Ok, maybe I'm feeling more sad for me. I'm hoping this weekend sometime that Adam can at least get our small tree and some ornaments down so I can take her picture in front of OUR tree. There are 8 million other trees out there that we'll come across, but I don't know. I'm weird like that and want her to have at least one picture in front of ours.

Ok, now that it's almost 1pm, I'm still in my pj's, and have yet to even think about lunch, I'm going to finally get off this thing (even though it's keeping my lap warm) and eat something! PS. We also have reason to celebrate as Adam got his first new account in his sales position at work! This is a rather huge deal (as far as I know and definitely in my book) so kudos to him! I'm so proud of him for sticking with it b/c being in sales is NOT easy. I know I couldn't do it. Go Adam!

Pics Update

Enjoy! Here are some updated pictures of the little one. She's really starting to smile more now and I'm trying to catch a big one...and I finally did tonight while we were doing our Christmas picture family photo shoot. :) This kid is so darn cute...I know, we're biased. Rightfully so. Enjoy! Oh yeah, and some baptism pictures too!

Happy baby!

Morgan & Daddy enjoying their "chair time" they do every night.

The shirt says it all..."Little Stinker." Thanks, Aunt Steph!

Morgan being baptized...note the arms flailing. Don't you hear her screaming? :)

This was after baptism when she was an angel. Where was this child when the whole church was watching?!? :)

The gang from Wisconsin that was able to make it down.

Cousins!! Talia, Morgan, & Tatum